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Apr 17, 2011
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Mr.Jones,
The long wait,
can not leave this place
to far in between
how much more
can I take,
I can hear
Mr. Jones knocking
at my door
hands begin to shake
is there no escape
Blood pulsating
need screaming
in my head
YES, YES, yes,
NO!!
where is the out
what must I do
to be rid of this burden
who goes by the name
of Mr. Jones
"body aching,
have the shakes
Jones coming down"
well ,
for now I'll just have
one more cigarette
and push Mr. Jones away
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I had given it up, but I let it come back with a venges, Second time around so I add a stanza
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 3 months ago
Chrys
Thank you,, addiction to one thing or another is aways hard to break.
Eddie C.
CCfire
14 years 3 months ago
I think you need 'too' far in
I think you need 'too' far in that first stanza rather than 'to far' but this is darker than I have read from you, it's good to see a different perspective from another poet.
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 3 months ago
Chez
this is not the "too" of (furthermore), it is the to of a direction
If you ask any one here that was all i use to write dark poetry. I just changed trains when the new site went up. I love dark poetry. my fav. are Emily Dickinson, and E.A Poe.
I'm glad you liked this
Eddie C.
CCfire
14 years 3 months ago
ok
Just me reading it wrong lol..I get it..Emily dark? Hmmm I just think she was a frigid old biddy who had the shits on the world lol...::P
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 3 months ago
Chez
Actually she lost the Love of her life and also her closes friend, she was in so much pain that she closed herself out from the world. when you know this and read her you can feel her pain.
She never got over it.
Eddie C.
CCfire
14 years 3 months ago
I don't like
her or Plath much and I had a friend once who likened some of my stuff to them and I ran away screaming I was going to gas myself lol
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 3 months ago
Chez
am I glad you didn't, I did not want to smell it all the way over here. Gas always travels up and north. hahaha!
Eddie C.
Rett
14 years 3 months ago
That Jones is rough
One I haven't licked yet!
Eduardo Cruz
14 years 3 months ago
Cap
This old pirate thought he did, but along came Mr. Jones. really what it was I went out with friends had a couple of drink after not drinking in years, so hand in hand they came drink and ciggs. Now here I am smoking a pack a day again.
It sure is rough and Tough
Eddie C.