alidzain

Feb 23, 2015 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

My Ascension

Tonight
I leave the world behind
to search for the light
that holds the thread that binds

The hopes I used to hold
no longer glow,
obscured by all the ashes
of dreams I used to grow

I watch them burn
through the window of my grief
and then I plead
for a chance for relief

All of my strength has long been depleted
Things that I once had are all long gone
I am falling apart, torn and shredded
like flesh stripped from the bone

but you hold me and make me whole.
the touch of your love saves my soul
In you I find the will to soar across the sky
and so I spread my wings and fly

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

raj

10 years 4 months ago

Alid

a good poem which does indicate the turmoil and agony very vividly ...i liked the ending about hope in the journey beyond...

poem apart...stay strong...you will be fine soon friend...

Regards,

alidzain

10 years 4 months ago

Raj

Thank you for the visit and the comment.

Alid

mand

10 years 4 months ago

Ouch "like flesh stripped off

Ouch "like flesh stripped off the bone" this sounds soo painful. Physically and mentally at rock bottom - yet there are those in your life that help you to spread your wings and fly out of the ashes. There are some truly lovely people here on Neo - you are also one of them.

Great poem :)

Love Mand xxxx

alidzain

10 years 4 months ago

Mand

It is very painful but at the same time, it reveals who are the ones who can be trusted in the end. Better to have the good friends who stay by your side in your hour of need than to have pretentious, hypocritical relatives who are only there when THEY are in need. Some people are just too selfish. That's what I learn right now. Thanks for the visit and the comment.Take care.

Alid

Rula

10 years 4 months ago

So powerful Khalid

from the very beginning, the title to the end, and not without hope. I would change nothing.
I appreciate the tribute.
Thank you.

alidzain

10 years 4 months ago

Salam, Rula

thanks for the visit and the comment. Glad that you liked it as much as I enjoy writing it.

Alid

weirdelf

10 years 4 months ago

Lovely language, Alid

will you forgive me giving a reading?
https://soundcloud.com/user536630132/my-ascension-by-alidzain
One very minor typo
the touch of your love save my soul
the touch of your love saves my soul

My question is who is the "you" referred to? A beloved or a god?
Either way a powerful and lovely poem.

alidzain

10 years 4 months ago

Ah, Jess

the "you" in this poem refers to the people who stand by me and help me find the strength in my hour of need. Thank you for the visit, the correction and the comments. I appreciate them very much.

Alid

scribbler

10 years 4 months ago

Hi Alid

There is a great difference between acquaintances and friends. One comes by the dozens but the other, one is lucky to have a handful. A lot of people don't like to see key words repeated too closely in a poem so you might consider changing one of the "hopes" her to aspirations or another synonym....stan