MY BELOVED NOOSE!

If Love, that wretched ruse,
If she be a noose...

I beseech! Let me hang,
It's the gallows I choose!

May rope smooch and bruise
With Love's hold, bone shatter

And let no lip, dare,
A word of pity, utter.

There, as I grow cold
Know this, O pitiful world!

It was deadly and lovely
That thing I sought

By noose' and neck’ embrace
It was caught, it was bought

Nestled in rope’s grievous grace
Neck and noose, snug and taut.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Botswana

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe, Robert Frost, Lord Byron, Kalil Jibran, Andrew Marvel

Comments

neopoet

1 month 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores the metaphor of love as a noose, intertwining themes of pain, surrender, and fatal attraction. The imagery is stark and visceral, effectively conveying a sense of fatalism and emotional intensity.

Strengths: - The consistent metaphor of love as a noose and gallows is powerful and sustained throughout the poem, creating a cohesive thematic structure. - The rhyme scheme and rhythm lend a chant-like quality, reinforcing the poem’s somber tone. - Phrases like "rope smooch and bruise" and "neck and noose snug and taut" are evocative and original, blending tenderness with violence in a compelling way.

Areas for consideration: - The poem’s tone is quite dark and unrelenting; introducing subtle shifts or moments of contrast might deepen emotional complexity and prevent the metaphor from becoming overwhelming. - Some lines could benefit from slight tightening to enhance clarity and impact. For example, "Hear bone and grief, shatter" is somewhat ambiguous—consider rephrasing to clarify whether the speaker hears the shattering or is describing the effect of the noose. - The line "And let no lip, dare, / A word of pity, utter" might be smoother without the commas interrupting the flow: "And let no lip dare / A word of pity utter." - The repetition of "it was caught, it was caught" emphasizes entrapment but could be varied or expanded to avoid redundancy while maintaining emphasis.

Overall, the poem’s exploration of love’s darker facets is compelling. Refining some phrasing and considering tonal variation could enhance its emotional resonance and readability.

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