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Dec 18, 2024
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My chance to sing
My chance to sing
Came through another person
Who needed a life-giving operation
And I was tapped to replace this person.
My connection with this person
Is very strong.
I almost feel
As if
This person's strength
Has passed onto me.
In a very real way
I must work hard
To earn this person's respect.
In doing so,
I am acknowledging
My interconnection with people in the world.
I use my voice
To sing out loud
To express my strength of character
It doesn't matter
How it sounds
As long as the voice is heard.
I join with others
In the choir
To send a peaceful message
And I go there
Listening
Learning
Singing
I become much better
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I was watching a segment on television just a few minutes ago about the pig transplant in the USA and I realised that the only reason I am having this opportunity is due to an individual who has had a second chance in life. In many ways, I have had second chances to recreate myself by using my creativity in writing and singing. That connection is there. And so, this particular poem just emerged from me just today.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "My chance to sing" explores themes of interconnectedness, strength, and personal growth. The use of repetition, particularly with the phrase "this person," creates a sense of mystery and intrigue, encouraging readers to question the relationship between the speaker and the person they are replacing.
However, the poem could benefit from a more concrete exploration of this relationship. The vague nature of "this person" may leave readers feeling disconnected or confused. Adding specific details or anecdotes about this person could help to ground the poem and make the emotional resonance more impactful.
The transition from the speaker's personal journey to their role in a choir is a bit abrupt. It might be beneficial to weave this concept throughout the poem, rather than introducing it towards the end. This could create a more cohesive narrative and reinforce the theme of interconnectedness.
The poem's exploration of the speaker's personal growth and strength is compelling, but it could be enhanced by showing rather than telling. Instead of stating "I use my voice to express my strength of character," consider using imagery or metaphor to convey this idea.
Lastly, the line "As long as the voice is heard" is a powerful statement about the importance of self-expression. However, it might be more effective if it was placed at the end of a stanza or the poem itself, to give it more emphasis and allow it to resonate with readers.
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