Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

S
scribbler
Feb 02, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

Tomorrow Is Another Day

(Read More...)

MY COUNTRY ROAD

I step across the roadside ditch
to rest my bones upon a stump
then indulge a mild knee itch
beside a honeysuckle clump
on this mid winter day.

A sip from my old worn canteen
rids my mouth of road's red dust
which was inhaled but never seen
while time accrued the years like rust
as I have slowly made my way.

This road has varied through the years.
I started crowded, now I'm alone.
Early laughter turned to tears.
Limber joints now bone on bone
often causing my gait to sway.

I see the slope becoming steep
as it fades into a misty peak.
Will that be my life's memories keep,
that final summit that I seek?
So near yet so far away...

Well. I'll not get there sitting here
so once more gray gravel bears my load
as I incrementally draw near
to the end of my country road.
I know I'll get there one fine day.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: not real pleased with title

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Jackweb

Jackweb

2 years 4 months ago

Well told!

What a beautiful piece of work. The rhythmic pattern, pace, and rhyming scheme played well.

Good job!
.

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 4 months ago

Hi Scrib!...

Nice to see you posting something.
Yeah, I hear you about the title, it kind of sounds like a few other pieces you've written. Maybe someone has an idea.

You have a typo in the fourth line of your first stanza; Get rid of one of the [a's]
and I do believe that you have left out a [d] [crowded], second line of third stanza.
Otherwise, a page from my book, [although I don't see myself going on any long hikes].
As always, you leave me sitting here as though I have been there with you. ~ Geez.
.

S

scribbler

2 years 4 months ago

Hi Geez

WHAT??? ME having typos??? lol. At least I have friends to point them out. Thanks for coming by

Lavender

Lavender

2 years 4 months ago

My Country Road

Hello, Stan,
Another fine walk with you! This is an interesting rhyme pattern and you've done it very well. i stumble a bit with the rhythm of "Ahead I see the slope is getting steep" - perhaps something similar to "Ahead the slope is getting steep." ?? The introspective line, "So near, yet so far away..." stands out. Really like the thoughtful pause it brings.
Thank you!
L

Lavender

Lavender

2 years 4 months ago

Hi, Stan,

I like what you have done - a smooth, poetic flow.
L

S

scribbler

2 years 4 months ago

Thanks

One good thing about neoppoet is the willingness of people to offer up suggestions as we as writers who are willing to take suggestions without being offended

Rosewood Apothecary

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 4 months ago

Well done

Interesting. Any walk in nature is gonna draw me in. Your rhyme pattern and timing are both excellent. Take care of those knees in the cold.

Tim

S

scribbler

2 years 4 months ago

hi Tim

I am pleased you like this scribble

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 4 months ago

dear Stan,

thank you for taking me along with you on this fine walk. it is good that there was a stump for me to rest my rump. my boneless knees thank you, lol! as excellent as always!

* love & hugs, Cat

S

scribbler

2 years 4 months ago

Hi Cat

The problem with sitting on stumps is some of them are full of fire ants lol.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 4 months ago

oh oh oh!

not fireants!!! ran into them in Colorado!!! they are merciless!

*major hugs, Cat

S

scribbler

2 years 4 months ago

yep

now days you need to kick a stump hard before you sit

Seren

Seren

2 years 4 months ago

A ballad of memory

I have nothing to add except maybe a suggestion above for your title.

Sigh I've missed our walks.

Love always Sis xox

S

scribbler

2 years 4 months ago

Hi

Good of you to drop by. Always happy to share the little journeys I go on

Rula

Rula

2 years 4 months ago

Hello Stan

I am always late but never to your walks. Enjoyable as always.
As I see you are writing this as an entry for the contest, so I find no harm to remind you that the title should hold the same title of the contest and I thought that it's a good alternative for the present one if you are not well satisfied with it.
Great to read you again.

Abby

Abby

2 years 4 months ago

I’ve noticed a lot of your

I’ve noticed a lot of your poems have this beautiful, almost lyrical, simplistic quality (that’s not so simple to execute at all) and this one is no exception. I loved it.

S

scribbler

2 years 4 months ago

Thank you

simple minds use simple words lol. Appreciate your coming by