my dad

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem effectively conveys the complex emotions surrounding a fractured father-child relationship, capturing feelings of hurt, confusion, and longing for authenticity. The narrative voice is clear and consistent, which helps the reader engage with the speaker's internal conflict.

To deepen the emotional impact, consider varying the sentence structure and rhythm to mirror the speaker’s turmoil. For example, shorter, fragmented lines could emphasize moments of pain or disbelief, while longer lines might convey the overwhelming flood of thoughts. Additionally, some imagery could be more specific or vivid; phrases like "broken glass" and "hearts on the floor" are evocative but could be expanded or paired with sensory details to create a stronger atmosphere.

The poem’s ending raises important questions but might benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the father's behavior or the speaker’s response. Introducing subtle shifts in tone or moments of vulnerability could add complexity to the portrayal and avoid a binary depiction of the father as simply absent or pretending.

Overall, focusing on varied rhythm, enriched imagery, and layered characterization can enhance the poem’s emotional resonance and provide a more immersive experience for the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

is not an old one, but certainly one that deserves some attention. I can tell you from personal experience, that it is not an easy thing to deal with. I've been on both sides of this and I'm only now beginning to understand. Your poem is good, and it tells the story with good lines like: "Like the silence wasn't loud all along". The on and off again rhyme is unusual but works. I agree with the A.I. that you could add a little bit of imagery to make this a bit more vivid, but I think that you will see how to do that as you write more and see how others do it. All-in-all, a good piece. Welcome to Neo. ~ Geezer.

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welcome to Neopoet, it is very nice to meet you!

I agree with Geezer's response to your poem. I felt a kinship with your issues with your Dad. I felt that way about my mother. She passed several years ago. But not before we had the chance to talk, openly about our problems of the past. Forgiveness was the flavor of the day. I hope you get the chance to tell your father what is bothering your heart...tell him how you feel and why you feel that way. I very much admire these lines of this poem:

"My head is spinning, my thoughts won’t rest,
Full of questions I can’t digest.
Why does he switch? Why does he pretend?
I just want the truth not this fake happy end..."

I hope you will read other Neopoet"s poems and comment on them. You may be surprised how many of us you will be able to relate to. Please keep writing and working on your craft. I think you have great potential...

hugs, Cat