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To my Daughter.... The Bride to Be (edited)
Come on. wake up my lovely birds,
Let’s all together praise Allah
Come pray with me say these words,
May He answer — say Inshallah...
Please God bless our precious princess,
And her awesome, handsome groom;
To live forever an eternal happiness,
And let their path flourish and bloom.
And God, I know You’re generous enough
To pave with love their way ahead;
Make it green, with gentle stuff
Guided by joys, and safely led.
Amen.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Supposed to be read aloud... Not sure yet Inshallah= God willing Please feel free to suggest whatever you think will enhance this piece.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
1 week 5 days ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem is structured as a blessing or prayer for a daughter on her wedding, employing direct address to both divine and natural forces. The rhyme scheme is mostly consistent, with couplets in the first stanza and alternating rhyme in the subsequent stanzas, which lends a musical quality to the piece. The invocation of birds and "golden words" in the opening lines introduces a sense of urgency and celebration, though the metaphorical connection between birds, words, and the act of blessing could be developed further for greater emotional resonance.
The poem relies on familiar religious language and imagery, such as "praise Allah," "Inshallah," and "Amen," which situates the poem firmly within a specific cultural and spiritual context. The use of "princess" and "handsome groom" is conventional and may risk sentimentality; more specific or unique imagery could strengthen the emotional impact and individuality of the poem.
The third stanza's request for a "green" and "never tough" path uses color symbolism to suggest prosperity and ease, but the phrase "full of joy to spread" is somewhat vague. More concrete or sensory details could make the blessing feel more vivid and personal.
Overall, the poem effectively communicates the speaker's hopes and blessings for the couple, but it could benefit from more original imagery and a deeper exploration of the emotions and relationships at its core. The language is accessible and sincere, but opportunities exist to enrich the poem with more distinctive metaphors or personal details.
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Geezer
1 week 4 days ago
What...
a beautiful prayer for your daughter and her husband! I too, wish them peace and well-being through-out their hopefully many years of marriage. ~ Geez.
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Rula
1 week 4 days ago
Thank you sir
For your kind wishes. Much appreciated. 🙏🏻