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Jan 10, 2025
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My Engineer
Life without my engineer
Is different
From what it was before.
I'm in a new space
Physically
Emotionally.
He was Mr Can Do
Mr Get it Done
Mr Find a Solution
Mr Fixit
And he did.
He was opinionated
Saying it as it was
And as it is
Out loud.
He was my backup
Like a sturdy
Cricket bail
And he would never move
If I needed help.
He moved seamlessly
To help us all
In any way he could.
You knew he was there.
I miss him.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: It has been three years since the day of the funeral for my husband Shaya. I wanted to convey what he was and how he approached life for himself and how it touched me , my daughters and sons-in-law. I had the memorial prayer yesterday, which was very satisfying for me. I am never alone, because I have my community and they help me. I will say the other prayer on my own on Monday quietly to myself. I decided to place this poem on Neopoet to add another layer of memorial for Shaya. The A Team and I will go out and have a meal together on a date that suits us all. The restaurant we used to go to, when Shaya was alive, has shut down, very much like a vivid dream I had where the beginning of my life joined together with the end of my life together with him. However, the good news is that I am moving forward and in a positive way, which is something he would approve of, as he could not sit still.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "My Engineer" conveys a sense of longing and appreciation for a person who was evidently a problem-solver and a reliable figure in the narrator's life. The use of repetition in the lines "Mr Can Do," "Mr Get it Done," "Mr Find a Solution," and "Mr Fixit" effectively emphasizes the engineer's competence and dependability. However, the poem could benefit from more specific and concrete imagery to evoke the engineer's character and the narrator's feelings more vividly.
The metaphor of the engineer as a "sturdy cricket bail" is intriguing, but it may not resonate with readers who are unfamiliar with cricket. It might be helpful to choose a more universally understood metaphor or to provide some context that makes the metaphor's meaning clear.
The poem's structure could also be refined. The line breaks seem arbitrary at times, which can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it harder to follow. It might be beneficial to experiment with different line lengths and stanza structures to see how they affect the poem's rhythm and pacing.
Finally, the poem ends on the line "I miss him," which clearly expresses the narrator's feelings but does so in a rather straightforward way. It might be more impactful to convey this sense of loss indirectly, through the details and imagery of the poem, rather than stating it outright. This would allow the reader to infer the narrator's feelings for themselves, which can make for a more engaging and emotionally resonant reading experience.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
6 months ago
Hello Gogetter
Thank you... I think this poem introduces us to both good news and bad ones, so let me please say I'm sorry for your loss. I think your poem with its raw feelings reflect your good memories and love for your Engineer.Much of what you described I can relate to as mine is an engineer too:)
This stanza best describes mine too.
He was Mr Can Do
Mr Get it Done
Mr Find a Solution
I'm happy to read in your few words that you've decided to move on with your life as he always loved to.
Wish you the best in your life
Thank you for sharing!
Mr Fixit
And he did.
The Gogetter
6 months ago
Thank you Rula
Engineers are a special breed. They simply cannot sit still. They must fix absolutely everything. He was the rock for the family, for all of us. He was there repairing whatever did not work , even in the human side of things. However, I took steps to move on in mental wellness ways , and they appear to have helped me in lots of ways. My poems, of course, are one of the strategies I use to open up. Being raw and honest is very healthy. Enjoy your engineer Rula. The Gogetter.