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My favorite hat is a bottle top. [October Contest]
I wear an iridescent cape
Of oily feathers around my nape
And though every turn I seem to shine
One thing I cannot do is fly.
I also wear a translucent necklace
But as of late it leaves me breathless.
As I cannot breathe and cannot fly;
There is naught left to do but die.
My friend the fish his home is dead.
The bleached white corals where humans tread,
He seeks to live beyond their clutch.
But there’s nowhere humans haven’t touched.
My friend the turtles’ stomach is littered
With plastics, waste and so much glitter.
His likes to eat jellyfish, shrimp or greens
But sometimes the jellyfish aren’t what they seem.
Before man, we all lived content and undisturbed
But its all gone downhill since you ‘ruled’ the earth
Two fins good but two legs bad
We are just so tired of eating plastic bags.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
raj
6 years 8 months ago
Hi Purple
I really liked this which is a vivid description of what has come to be and what the future holds for the next generation...nice language use...
i notice that you have checked the contest box but also suffix the title with [October Contest]....I think you are a strong contender...
best wishes..
..........................................................
purple-hobbit
6 years 8 months ago
Thanks!
Thanks so much!!! And I have done now, thank you!
Rula
6 years 8 months ago
A specially fabulous
first stanza, but the whole poem has a fresh take that I really like.
Best wishes.
purple-hobbit
6 years 8 months ago
Thank you!!! :) I'm glad you
Thank you!!! :) I'm glad you liked it!
Roscoe Lane
6 years 7 months ago
Liked,
Liked this poem very much, brutal and honest, ( as I cannot breathe and cannot fly, there is naught left to do but die, ) but also very sad. Love Roscoe...