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Mar 18, 2025
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My Friend the Leprechaun
Peeping outside a large box, his tiny eyes
glaring at me.
What a frightening site did I see.
A tiny dwarf. Leprechaun green as a tree.
He was decked out in a lime suit.
A big top hat of Jade.
A yellow buckle as bright as the sun.
The top of his head all shivering with long hair and a sweeping mustache.
Now the little Leprechaun started dancing
as free as a bird.
He flipped and zipped around the floor.
Making a sound like a herd of deer.
All of a sudden He danced over to me.
And gave me a pinch for I had no green.
Little Man what is your name.
I am a mischievous, diminutive fairy from Ireland.
My name is Lucky who guards the treasure of Gold over the rainbow
I also am a Shoemaker, I make them big and small.
For all the supernatural faries who test our greed.
As they recite their creed.
So Lucky and I are friends.
As we guarded the Pot of Gold
Lucky left me a dabloon
To carry with me forever.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Please leave me some comments to help me put my poetry together.
Review Request Direction: How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Consider clarifying the poem's central purpose or message. Currently, the narrative moves quickly from one image to another, which can make it challenging for readers to grasp a cohesive theme or emotional resonance. For example, the transition from the leprechaun's initial frightening appearance to immediate friendship could benefit from additional development or explanation.
Additionally, pay attention to consistency in imagery and language. At times, the descriptions seem contradictory or unclear, such as the leprechaun being initially described as frightening yet quickly becoming friendly and playful. Clarifying these emotional shifts or providing more context would strengthen the poem's internal logic.
The poem's rhythm and structure could also be refined. Some lines feel overly long or uneven, disrupting the flow. For instance, "The top of his head all shivering with long hair and a sweeping mustache" could be tightened or broken into shorter lines to maintain a more consistent rhythm.
Finally, consider proofreading carefully for spelling and punctuation errors (e.g., "site" should be "sight," inconsistent capitalization, and spelling of "dabloon" as "doubloon"). Addressing these issues will enhance readability and professionalism.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
3 months 3 weeks ago
hello Mary,
I much enjoyed this whimsical tale of Saint Patrick's Day Lore and the "wearin' o' the green!" I have only one suggestion. In this line:
"A yellow buckle as bright as the sun." please consider using this alternative line:
"With golden buckle glinting bright as the sun"
I hope your Saint Paddy's Day was a happy and safe one!
Hugs, Cat
p.s.
do not let the AI's comments get you down as it has no idea of personal flair or style!