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Apr 12, 2011
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MY LOVE
I'm slowly posting stuff from old site. Here is not only from old site but 1st poem I ever wrote. As such it will remain unchanged, but feel free to make suggestions as they may be of use in other works. Poem written circa 1971.
...........MY LOVE.......
My love is like a clear spring day
whose golden sunbeams go their way
and suddenly explode in dew
to sparkle once again like new
Like spying a small calf just born
a frolickin' this sunny morn
crying out with joyful bleat
while running 'round on tireless feet
It fills me with a joy profound
like spotting a quail upon the ground
her young ones following around
this bird not sure just where it's bound
Like petals of a new bloomed flower
still dampened from last night's spring shower
heavenward its substance towers
shouting forth about God's powers
My love is like a budding tree
I hope she feels the same toward me
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
It is good to go back to ones roots.
You clearly had "the voice" even then.
You have inspired me to post my first poem, written at age 12
http://new.neopoet.com/node/3543
and as we start, so we go, you classical, me freeform. Strokes for folks, eh.
scribbler
14 years 3 months ago
hello
I wrote this then waited over 35 years to write the next one. I think both forms are best used by those who can write in both, hence my stumbling attempts at free verse lol. Gonna go read your 1st now............stan
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
I totally agree
we write best with mastery over all forms.
Yet we still settle into preferred forms and it is as senseless to denigrate one form over another as it is to say water is better than fire.
scribbler
14 years 3 months ago
hello
Yes it was for Susan and I intend no edit, but welcome ideas as they may come in useful in future writes..........stan
scribbler
14 years 3 months ago
hello
yes it is, and thank you
vexations10
14 years 3 months ago
Unlike you
I thought my posts on neo were safe! I’ve lost nearly all of my work I had posted here. Never again will I trust this site so I keep a copy of all that I post. Consequently I’ve cut my participation a good deal.
weirdelf
14 years 3 months ago
don't try and blame Neopoet
how extremely foolish of you!
You should have had copies on your own computer, or on disk if you don't own one, and those copies backed up, and hard copies as well. It is immature un-accountability to blame others for your own lack of planning, foresight and basic computer common-bloody-sense.
You sound like the person who sued Macdonalds for not warning them the coffee was hot.
Anyone who lost anything due to Neopoet's crash has only themselves to blame.
scribbler
14 years 3 months ago
hello vex
I compose and keep all works on paper, then periodically print edited copies from site. Good ol' paper never crashes, but I'm sorry you lost so much work.................stan PS I have little trust in any computer, To err is human to really screw up requires computers lol..........
Candlewitch
14 years 3 months ago
Dear Scribbler,
WOW! For a first poem this is fantastically good! This piece should have convinced you that you are a poet. It is a shame that you waited all those years to write again. Well... you aren't wasting anymore time and are writing now and I am grateful for that. I wouldn't change a word of it as it is marvelous as it is.
always, Cat
scribbler
14 years 3 months ago
Cat
guess I'm a poet who doesn't know it lol..................stan
scribbler
14 years 3 months ago
hi
I am amazed at the number of comments on this post from old site. Thanks for the read...............scribbler