My memories (Polished )

I remember the setting sun
last night as I woke
some years away
in coma was I

'twas a long sleep
the world had forgotten too
now no one knew
that's true.

Tears of sorrow dripped
My heart skipped a beat
it reassured me
wait there is still
a knock at the gate

Wonder who comes
just guess
one I must confess
loved me least
when I was at my best

now comes to console
should this memory
not make me whole

in my heart they found a hole
he alone came to console....

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read , and they inspire..

Comments

Vivovon

8 years 11 months ago

Be whole again

It is a very effective presentation. The poem illustrates a simple reality that we do not understand how "love" may behave in a given circumstances. A good job!

lovedly

8 years 11 months ago

thank you

Vivovon for your
maiden visit I do appreciate it

Sparrow

8 years 11 months ago

I think you have a pearl here and just a tiny read to yourself will make this an excellent poem, well done and keep these coming.
Sort out the first few words as they seem ragged, Take care my friend and know we watch over you as always,
Yours Ian and the Children..

lovedly

8 years 11 months ago

thank you for finding pearls

jess needs to search
from my sandy poems
GEMS

weirdelf

8 years 11 months ago

A gem, thoughtful, lovely and honest.

A few small crits.
in coma did I stay (grammatic inversion for rhyme, a pet peeve of mine)
they say (wasted two words! An unnecessary line, if I was a medieval poetic critic I might chop off one of your hands for that)
but my heart a beat,skipped (another inversion)
Hark who comes (hark? hark? Who the fuck says hark?)

Overall this feels like you have put some real thought and genuine feeling into its creation, one of your best for a long time.
Onya! My friend.

lovedly

8 years 11 months ago

I LOOK TOWARDS heaven

shall read it more deliberately
and
remove harks
as we do sharks
but await me

jane210660

8 years 11 months ago

Love the line 'tears of

Love the line 'tears of sorrow dripped' but don't twist the words in the next line just to make it rhyme. 'My heart skipped a beat' sounds better - to my ears.
A lovely reflective piece. Jx