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MY MOTHER ( Challenge Contest#15
My dear lovely mother,
in my heart and soul
I hold you in high esteem
for your unflinching determination
to raise me up
now is my turn to reward you handsomely
when the bright cloud disappeared with pain
your doggedness as a widow
has never dwindled yet
your unwavering spirit
remained resolute and
you kept moving with faith
The labour of love
parental care and protection
you gave me is the symbol of your character
your stewardship to humanity
you heartily rendered
shall bring you closer to heaven
I sing a dirge song now
your abrupt exit from mother earth
has left a vacuum here with us
who will fill your space so we can enjoy
a fresh air of salvation
though the monster came uninvited
holding all ends of mankind
with cold hands of invasion
pointing accusing fingers on the righteous
but I know your submission is not a defeat
for you have virtuously given your best
whilst you lived as a mother.
©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years 1 month ago
Tenses...
You need help with your tenses.
first stanza is alright.
[has] never dwindled]
[Remained] resolute
You [kept] moving
[The] labour of love
[shall bring] you closer to Heaven
[holding] all ends
Your language use is getting better
The pace is good
The theme is fitting
Logic is okay
~ Geezer.
.
Jackweb
3 years 1 month ago
I am always grateful
Thanks so much for your time to read. Please check on it.
Geezer
3 years ago
Good work...
just the suggestion that you should use a question mark whenever you ask a question.
[Who will fill your space... so that we can enjoy a fresh air of salvation[?]
~ Geezer.
.
Jackweb
3 years ago
Noted!
Alright boss. Will be conscious of that from now
Candlewitch
3 years ago
dear Onyinyechi,
this is a lovely tribute to your mother's love. I really liked these lines:
The labour of love
parental care and protection
you gave me is the symbol of your character
your stewardship to humanity
you heartily rendered
shall bring you closer to heaven
*hugs, Cat
Jackweb
3 years ago
Thank you Cat... !
Yes, I really missed her so much. She was a nice woman.