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Feb 27, 2015
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This poem is part of the workshop:
Effective Contemporary Pastoral poetry [Let's start]
My Piece of Heaven (collaborative poem for Pastoral poetry WS)
The busy city street, the quiet country lane
I know which one of these that I would choose
only one conveys me away from cluttered pain
so watch me as I don my walking shoes
As busy buildings fade with each unforced tread
and the raucous noise becomes a freeform mantra
I slowly lose my constant source of dread
and all the world becomes my growing tantra.
Here the wilderness envelopes my mind
I now drift as the oceans quiet waves
all fears of being, I know will be left behind
within my self's frame, caressing new days
.
stanza 1 Judy (judyanne)
stanza 2 Jess (weirdelf)
stanza 3 Ian (sparrow)
.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
raj
10 years 4 months ago
three creative artists coming
three creative artists coming out with a master piece...pleasure to read and absorb..
Regards,
judyanne
10 years 4 months ago
thanks Raj
xxx
Rula
10 years 4 months ago
deleted
.
judyanne
10 years 4 months ago
lol Rula
Was it a rude comment?
Love judy
xxx
Rula
10 years 4 months ago
It was a silly one dear
I read Stan's directions wrong. I thought the one who writes the end should send to the stream.
The poem begins, fleshed and ends beautifully.
Let's see what the boss has to say.
Sparrow
10 years 4 months ago
Rula
It was belts and Braces, I think I may also have posted to stream.
Having just read it again I think the flow was continuous throughout the piece and didn't lose any of the original theme, and the Pastoral effect was well balanced.
Most of the ones I have read here are doing very well with seamless joins,
Yours Ian
judyanne
10 years 4 months ago
lol yes, Rula
He wrote for the person who 'furnished the beginning' to post....- lol sparrow was also short-sighted and obviously read 'furbished' as 'finished'
He and Jess and I thank you for the kind comment
Love judy
xxx
wesley snow
10 years 4 months ago
An excellent combination
of what was actually a rather complicated piece.
judyanne
10 years 4 months ago
Wes
Jess, Ian and I thank you
Love judy
xxx
scribbler
10 years 4 months ago
Know something?
I've seen a lot of collaborative poems over the last 6-8 year but this shop has displayed about the smoothest ones as far as transition from one poet to another that I can recall. Kudos to all
judyanne
10 years 4 months ago
yes Stan
I agree
Love judy
xxx
weirdelf
10 years 4 months ago
It's true, Stan, some bloody fine collaborations here.
I suspect respect. This says something about the Pastoral theme in general. No matter how 'cityfied' we are our feelings about nature are deep and personal and everyone treated each other's submissions with real respect.
Thank you, Judyanne and Ian.