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Abby
Abby
Feb 22, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

the MY POEM contest

(Read More...)

My Poem [Oceans]

In this life, we are the same
Drifters floating in an ocean
Weaving between fate
Like its currents, riptides.

I hear a beating in my heart.
Looking into the abyss
Of solid cerulean, you are not
the person you once were.

It was in the day we found peace,
And the nights we painted blue,
With the sadness of rain drops.
Faith can be swallowed whole, I know.

My friend- we are the whales,
The coral, the fish, and the storms,
We became the tsunamis
That tore the world in two.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Favorite Poets: Shakespeare, Emily Dickenson, Sylvia Plath, Elizabeth Bishop, Mary Oliver

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

3 years 4 months ago

I like this...

it tells of the time that you became connected to this other. The beginning. My only criticism is that instead of [paved] [how can you pave the ocean?] You should use [painted the ocean], [I know, painting it doesn't seem possible either when you stop to think about it, but at least you might paint a picture of it, I don't think that you would say that you paved a picture of it.
A little niggling thing, but not something that stops you in your tracks like paved. ~ Geez.
.

M

MermaidMaster

3 years 4 months ago

:)

this is one of my favorites of yours, i especially love the 3rd and 4th lines and i agree with you and geezer about painted it’s got nice imagery to it

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

3 years 4 months ago

hello Abby,

I very much like your title it is a simple truth. the ocean is a vast and miraculous entity teaming with many kinds of life. you have both changed... how could you not, when surrounded by an ocean? I love your exquisite language usage it creates a whole new world for some, and for others, welcomes them home. thanks for this.

*hugs, Cat