My Quill

Without you
I'm living in a hollow
nothing satisfies
my thoughts
are shallow.

After you
I'm unable
to draw a smile
or depict sorrow.

My words
contain no spirit
they scarcely
dance slow
without you-fellow.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

judyanne

13 years 3 months ago

love it rula

well presented, short, to the point, but with a depth of emotion covered in both text and subtext

one small suggestion (lol suggestion only)
'After you
I'm unable
to draw a smile
or even show sorrow'
- 'show sorrow' - as you are using a writing analogy, what do you think of
'paint sorrow' or 'sketch sorrow'?

also
'My words
have no spirit in' - not particularly good grammar
- you don't need the 'in', 'have no spirit' alone works better - or you could say 'contain no spirit'

love judy
xxx

Rula

13 years 3 months ago

Your suggestion are always

Welcomed and I Love 99.9% of them..:)

I've changed to "depict" , fits?

judyanne

13 years 3 months ago

works well

:)
xxx

Ian.T

13 years 3 months ago

0.1% here lol

A lovely piece young Lady, it is un-complicated and pure in its presentation..
I look forward to some of your deeper pieces that will question us, and make us race on,
Yours Ian.T

Rula

13 years 3 months ago

complicated or not

It is not complication that I'm after, never had been:-)
I like to write whatever the heart
Wished others to hear

And here it is
when you go deep

Thanks dear Ian. Happy to hear from you.