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Jan 15, 2025
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My smile
I mean this smile
For the first time
In a very long time.
Not only the muscles
In my face
Moving upwards
Teeth exposed
But my entire mind
And body.
I love this smile
I noticed it
Just yesterday.
People respond to a smile
Always.
A smile brings happiness
And that's good.
My smile
Comes from
Who I am with
And what I am doing.
It tells me
That I'm out there.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I went out just yesterday on the third anniversary of the death of my husband Shaya. It has become a ritual for the five of us, both my daughters and their partners, to get together and celebrate the life we have. This is the first year that we are not at the one Shaya liked , which had the best satay in Melbourne, as it too has ended. It has closed down. Instead, we ate at a Japanese restaurant close to where Sarah and Boris live, which was wonderful, and a new tradition for us. All good really. It was at the end of a very productive day for me , and personally satisfying, as I completed a major task, which I would not have been able to undertake or even do, three years ago. I am so proud of myself that I did it! I think from today onwards, my poetry will be far more positive and upbeat than it has been in the past. Not only did the therapy kick in, but I am acting on it in a practical way and extending what I obtained from it. I am definitely in a far better place.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "My smile" effectively conveys the significance and impact of a genuine smile on one's well-being and interactions with others. The imagery of the smile reaching beyond just the facial muscles to encompass the mind and body adds depth to the portrayal of its authenticity. The poem successfully captures the joy and self-awareness associated with experiencing such a smile after a long time.
To enhance the poem further, you may consider incorporating more specific details or sensory descriptions to evoke a stronger emotional response from the reader. Additionally, exploring the reasons behind the prolonged absence of the smile or delving deeper into the transformative power of rediscovering it could add layers of complexity to the narrative. Overall, the poem effectively conveys a sense of personal growth and connection through the symbol of a smile.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
5 months 3 weeks ago
My Smile
I'm happy that you are smiling! I am also so happy that poetry is such a lovely source of comfort for you. Thank you for sharing.
L
The Gogetter
5 months 3 weeks ago
Response to L
Yes Lavender. Writing poetry is such an important part of the way I express my mindfulness, it has become a daily part of my life. Even buying a coffee cup produces a poem, probably the one I have enjoyed the most. But, as you well understand, it is never about the coffee cup. It is about what the coffee cup represents for my in my journey of healing. As well as that, it is what I can now do , which I was not able to do three years ago. I now understand that I no longer have to hold onto the pain any more.
Ray Miller
5 months 3 weeks ago
My smile
It tells me
That I'm out there.
I'm curious about the ending, where I come from to be out there would mean weird, eccentric, but you mean something else, I suppose.
The Gogetter
5 months 3 weeks ago
Response to Ray Miller
Yes it does Ray Miller. It means that I am living in the world, and just being. There is no weird or eccentric about it. It just is. That is all I want, nothing else.