My Thoughts

As I find myself getting old I often stare
A daily habit that I refuse to share

I begin to review my life from the start
And start thinking about the day I will depart

I review the day that I met the world of my life
And thank the Lord for a most loving wife

I see my children now a bit older too
And recall the delights we have had,a grand review

Now with great grandchildren playing about
Listening to their laughs and words they shout

Life brings us to understand the real essence of our acts
And allow us to realistically review the facts

So as I sit here under my lamp’s cool glare
I remember why I so often stare

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA Pennsylvania, USA

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Comments

neopoet

2 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem adopts a reflective, first-person perspective, focusing on aging, memory, and family. The structure is consistent, with couplets throughout, which provides a sense of order and continuity fitting the theme of life review. The rhyme scheme is regular, though at times the rhymes feel forced (“life” / “wife,” “acts” / “facts”), which can detract from the natural flow. Attention to enjambment and line breaks could help the poem breathe more, as many lines are end-stopped, giving the poem a somewhat mechanical rhythm.

The poem’s language is straightforward and direct, which suits the subject matter but sometimes results in clichés (“the day I will depart,” “the real essence of our acts”). Consider exploring more specific, concrete imagery to evoke emotion and individuality, rather than relying on generalities. For example, describing a specific moment with grandchildren or a particular memory with the spouse could deepen the emotional resonance.

The poem’s central metaphor—staring as a form of reflection—is clear, but the poem could benefit from developing this image further. The final lines return to the lamp’s “cool glare,” but the connection between staring, the lamp, and reflection could be made more vivid or nuanced.

There are some minor issues with punctuation and syntax (“the world of my life” seems like a typographical error for “the love of my life”; “have had,a grand review” is missing a space after the comma). Careful proofreading would improve clarity.

Overall, the poem effectively communicates a sense of gratitude and contemplation, but it would benefit from more precise language, attention to imagery, and careful editing for rhythm and punctuation.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

2 months ago

Dear Clentin,

I much enjoyed this poem. These are my favorite lines:

"Life brings us to understand the real essence of our acts
And allow us to realistically review the facts"

so glad to see you on the new Neopoet site!

hugs, Cat xxx