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Apr 03, 2025
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My view from the treadmill
As I walk
gently and slowly
on the treadmill in the gym
I see different views and landscapes.
I begin on a gravel path
with people walking by
giving way for me.
Then, the landscape changes
and I find myself on a beach
with the water of the ocean
lapping slowly
back and forth.
I imagine my feet
sinking in the sand
of the sunny beach.
I once again return
to a cityscape view
with green trees
brushing past me.
I see the view of the CBD
in the distance
with images of places and locations
I recognise,
some in Sydney,
some in Melbourne.
At last,
my ten minutes is up.
I stop the machine,
looking around
and see the faces
of people in the gym
and look down at my workout schedule.
I proceed to the next stop.
My exercise regime has begun.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I enjoy imagining the different locations and landscapes in which I find myself while am on the treadmill. In reality, I never go to the beach, nor do I walk frequently down gravel footpaths, only very occasionally. This sets my mind in motion for this poem.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "My view from the treadmill" effectively captures the experience of exercising while mentally traveling through different landscapes. The imagery of transitioning from a gravel path to a beach to a cityscape is vivid and engaging, allowing the reader to visualize each setting. The use of sensory details like the sound of water lapping and the feeling of sand underfoot adds depth to the descriptions.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider incorporating more varied poetic devices to enhance the overall impact of the poem. For example, experimenting with metaphors, similes, or personification could help to create a richer tapestry of imagery and evoke stronger emotions in the reader. Additionally, paying attention to the rhythm and flow of the poem could further enhance its readability and impact.
Overall, the poem effectively conveys the experience of exercising on a treadmill and the mental journey it can take us on. Expanding on the use of poetic devices and refining the structure could further elevate the poem's effectiveness and resonance with the reader.
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