leoferaco

Dec 06, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week 12/03/23 TO 12/09/23 🏆 Winner

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My Waning Sun

And i’ll tell you tomorrow
of the rumblings
The rumblings of an atheist
or a pessimists wife

I’ll tell you tomorrow
of the protests
of her father and son
Though she’d sooner call it a strife

I’ll tell you tomorrow
as the sun is now gone
And my veins seem to jump from my skin
Peering past the mountains, much far beyond
Hoping to catch the sun on a whim

I’ll even pray, just this once
If our sun would come out from hiding
On a cool fall morning I’d hope to confront
The sun, it’s warmth and good tidings

Tomorrow, I'll recount the pirate's winding sail
How he reached the shore and winced
Good men & bad men each subject to ailments
All but those who sang to the eclipse

But now the rocking of my chair has ceased
And the high seas swoosh past my ears
My eyes drift shut with ease
Even in his absence the pessimist lingers

I'll tell you tomorrow of the reckoning
and of this man’s wasted youth
How he took on a nautical sail
in the guise of a prophet or a sleuth

His nerves jumped from his skin
Indeed, I heard this sailor cry
As no storm could forgive
the life he’d left behind

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Ontario

Favorite Poets: charles bokowski, sylvia plath , savannah brown, allen ginsberg

Comments

neopoet

1 year 6 months ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

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Triskelion

1 year 6 months ago

..has an interesting mix of vocabulary that seems to drift in and out of the ether, almost like rolling waves gently rocking a boat. Not sure if that was your intention, but that's what I got out of it. I liked it.

Thomas

leoferaco

1 year 6 months ago

Hello Thomas,

That is a perfect description and exactly as I intended it to be read. Thank you,

Leo

leoferaco

1 year 6 months ago

Hello Thomas,

That is a perfect description and exactly as I intended it to be read. Thank you,

Leo

leoferaco

1 year 6 months ago

Hello Thomas,

That is a perfect description and exactly as I intended it to be read. Thank you,

Leo

leoferaco

1 year 6 months ago

Hello Thomas,

That is a perfect description and exactly as I intended it to be read. Thank you,

Leo

leoferaco

1 year 6 months ago

Hello Thomas,

Sorry about the accidental spam, I kept receiving errors that my comment was not being posted. My bad!

Lavender

1 year 6 months ago

My Waning Sun

Hello, Leo,
Such a mysterious feel to this - mesmerizing. An alluring intense, deep mood.
Thank you,
L

leoferaco

1 year 6 months ago

Thank you Lavender, I had a

Thank you Lavender, I had a lot of fun writing this one I added a lot more structure than I typically do.

Candlewitch

1 year 6 months ago

Dear leo,

"From the rocking of the cradle to the rolling of the hearse,
The going up was worth the coming down!
(Kris Kristopherson)

I really enjoyed this poem. My favorite lines are:

I’ll even pray, just this once
If our sun would come out from hiding
On a cool fall morning i’d hope to confront
The sun, it’s warmth and good tidings

congratulations!
*hugs, Cat

leoferaco

1 year 5 months ago

Hello,

Thank you for reading !

William Lynn

1 year 6 months ago

Hello Leo.

Hello Leo.
I too enjoyed the poem. I especially enjoyed the rhythm and I imagined you, or the person in the rocker, with eyes closed and perhaps a whimsical smile on their lips. Good job!