Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

E
eightmenout
Jul 28, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

My Whore is Better

my whore is better than your whore
just ask as many men as you can see
my whore was their whore long before
my little whore was just my whore and me

I knew it the first time we met
my whore was, simply put, the very best
the way she moved, the way she dressed
without a doubt a slut above the rest

so I put my whore on parade
got her all dolled up for the party scene
and reveled in my dance with fame
me a walking arm in arm with my queen

should you still need to be convinced
well, just allow my whore another chance
because my whore will fuck your whore
and leave you with just your hand on your lance

we would shake that trailer night after night
'fore she would move on to the next big "thing"
still, I had me one helluva good time
although she did leave me with quite a little sting

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe, Henry Rollins, Langston Hughes, Emily Dickinson

More from this author

Comments

E

eightmenout

10 years 11 months ago

Barbara

Thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment. I hope you got a kick it of it. Appreciate the comment about it being well written.

Scott

S

scribbler

10 years 11 months ago

hello

Got a few ideas but not enough time lol. I'll return............stan

E

eightmenout

10 years 11 months ago

Richard

You are most welcome, sir. Thanks for stopping by.

Scott

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 11 months ago

8men

Damn it man you are asking a lot if we disagree with you, then you will want a list of names and places so I will jut agree with you LOL, good cheeky write.
By the way how much would you bet on this point you so well wrote about,
Yours, Sparrow

E

eightmenout

10 years 11 months ago

Thanks Ian

For the compliment and the banter. I wouldn't ask for names. The poem was actually intended to open some eyes to the fact that she wasn't that bad and to bring a little levity to it.

Scott

S

scribbler

10 years 11 months ago

okeydokey

stanza 1 line 3 mine was their whore long before
S-3, l-1 so I put her on parade
These suggestions are made to decrease the use of the word "whore". If used too much it loses impact.
Hope your "sting" didn't affect your stinger permanently lol............stan

E

eightmenout

10 years 11 months ago

Stan

Thanks for the suggestions. S1 l3 would mess with the meter. I know you want to take the word whore out, but it is in there so many times for a reason, several actually.

I wrote the original poem when I was on another site (learned how to make it better here). Got tired of reading about break ups and how horrible they were. What made their cheating whore any different than the ones the rest of us encountered. So I put the word whore in there often to trivialize it. I also used it a lot to help create a "sing song"effect.

Thanks

Scott