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Sep 16, 2023
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MYOPIA
If we can
see the what the future wears
Before it ripens in our hands,
Will we think to live this way or
Otherwise.
If we could see beyond the thick veil
Of myopia roughly eating vision away
Into the place of dementia, establishing craze.
If there's no myopia, will our space be an utopia?
Myopia, the feast that weakens the sight,
Changing the wheels of everyone's dream,
No long eyeshot, no near goals,
Blurry visions, scared knowledge
When are we going to be free from Myopia?
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 9 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Overall, the poem "MYOPIA" explores the concept of limited vision and its impact on our perception of the future. The use of imagery and metaphor adds depth to the poem's theme. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened.
First, consider refining the structure and flow of the poem. The lines are fragmented and lack consistent rhythm, which can make it challenging for readers to engage with the piece. Experiment with different line breaks and punctuation to create a more cohesive structure that enhances the poem's meaning.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from further development of its central ideas. While the concept of myopia as a metaphor for limited vision is intriguing, it would be helpful to explore this idea in more depth. Consider expanding on the consequences and implications of myopia, both on an individual and societal level. This will allow readers to gain a deeper understanding of the poem's message.
Furthermore, the poem could benefit from the use of more vivid and specific language. For
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