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Mar 14, 2025
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(N0 Title)
I wasn’t with you when they came Into the world. I believed the place of their birth A shrine, a hallowed site,
Reserved for you who create
Wondrous events and the miracles
Our children are.
I was content to remain obscure,
Willingly exiled yet humbly grateful For the joys your required pain Would bring to us. I could only hope you knew That I was with you… Without being so.
Now, I wish I had been with you, For I have come to understand That such gifts are allowed
Within the limitless limits Of all things blessed and natural. Allowed, yes… but not as a right,
Rather as a revered and sacred privilege.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I shall appreciate any critique given.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
3 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem conveys a deep sense of reverence and gratitude towards the act of creation and the miracle of birth. The imagery of a sacred privilege and the acknowledgment of pain leading to joy are powerful themes throughout the poem. The use of contrasting emotions, from contentment to regret, adds complexity to the speaker's reflections.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider refining the structure of the poem to enhance its flow and coherence. Some lines could benefit from being more concise or rephrased to improve the overall impact of the poem. Additionally, exploring more vivid and sensory language could help to further engage the reader and evoke a stronger emotional response.
Overall, the poem delves into profound themes of creation, sacrifice, and the complexities of human emotions. With some adjustments to structure and language, the poem has the potential to resonate even more deeply with the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
J.E. Deegan
3 months ago
comment
My poem (no title) was meant to appear as follows:
I wasn’t with you when they came Into the world.
I believed the place of their birth a shrine, a hallowed site
Reserved for you who create
Wondrous events and the miracles
Our children are.
I was content to remain obscure,
Willingly exiled yet humbly grateful
For the joys your required pain would bring to us.
I could only hope you knew
I was with you… without being so.
For I have come to understand
That such gifts are allowed
Within the limitless limits
Of all things blessed and natural.
Allowed, yes… but not as a right,
Rather as a revered and sacred privilege.