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Jan 14, 2019
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Naive (Fear Of The Unknown)
Trying to remember
The last thing you said;
But for every time I tried,
I have always failed.
I wish I could fill
Every silence with your voice.
As a punctuation or better still
As a song of my choice.
I wish I could spend
Sometime in your heart;
Maybe I would comprehend
How much love we share apart.
And though you try to hide
How much you love me.
The fragments that reside
In your smile are there to see.
Wait, did I just say you care?
How am I even sure;
That when I'm not there
Our emotions both concur? ?
So if I ask 'do you love me? '
Would you happily give a response?
Would the answer sting like a bee! ?
Or would change the topic at once? 1
I guess someday I'll find out
And shunt the fear of the unknown.
So for now I'll let my mind shout
Till what's hidden be shown
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
swamp-witch
6 years 4 months ago
He!lo Albert
Fear of the unknown and unrequited love can be such universal experiences, that it's hard to provide feedback when this is the content of a poem. However, I think this poem is unique in the way it connects fear of the unknown with unrequited love. I don't I've ever seen something like that before.
I would also like to suggest something regarding the word choice/rhyme scheme:
If you decide to revise, consider making the rhyme scheme consistent. An inconsistent rhyme scheme can sometimes impede the rhythm and flow of a poem.
Take care,
Kelsey