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Aug 04, 2021
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Nature’s Fashion Model
Silky wings,
Flutter in the breeze,
Landing,
On every,
Flowers and trees.
As a,
Hummingbird on the wing,
Taking,
Nature's sweet candy,
In spring.
Coloured wings,
Fly in the wind,
Like angelic angels,
That came,
To sing.
Wings shimmers,
In the light,
Causing wonder,
And delight,
Nature’s butterflies in flight.
In spring,
Summer and fall,
Nature’s fashion models,
Down the runway,
Comes to call.
As winters,
Breath whispers gently,
The model sleeps,
Awaking in spring,
Butterflies’ puro lets gracefully
About This Poem
Last Few Words: this about natures angels.
Review Request Direction: [This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years 10 months ago
I like the idea...
of Butterflies and birds being angels. Only a couple of criticisms here. You use a lot of plurals where they are not needed.
1] Flower[s] and tree[s].
2] Shimmer[s]
3] come[s] to call
4] Winter, being personalized, should be capitalized.
5] It should also have a apostrophe, to denote ownership of the breath.
All-in-all a good poem, though. ~ Geezer.
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Triskelion
3 years 10 months ago
Hi Walt
can you find another word for either angelic or angels in S3L3? The phrase "angelic angels" repeats one word against the other. I think your poem is worth a little more work.
Thomas
Geezer
3 years 10 months ago
Yeah...
The main reason that I wanted to comment, yet I forgot! The word 'angelic' !
~ Geez.
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