Barbara Writes

Mar 21, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Nature of Love at Sunset

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Let’s climb a mountain

A mountain thriving with laughter and daisies

And feast as a sunset drop

Let’s swim a river

A river flowing with affection and roses

And hug under a starlit sky

Let’s walk a valley

A valley covered with passion and violets

And make love by the waterfall

Let’s make memories

Memories nurtured in our hearts

As we embrace the seasons of our love

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Been revising to make flow better. also working on getting that html tag out. it is a persistant little thing. it just refuse to leave. it only in this poem go figure.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Comments

magics02

14 years 3 months ago

Barbara

You must of had a dream here semi conscious state of mind perhaps. I like how you painted those thoughts and feelings to the mountain and the valley. In your first line you need to go in and fix as you are getting this message after it

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Other then that disturbance the rest is an image, roses and rivers, hearts and valleys and so forth. Nice thinking at 4 am. I have had a lot of these kind of nights lately myself

Blessings to you gal
Mona

Barbara Writes

14 years 3 months ago

thanks for reading and commenting

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

yes I notice that last night but it was to late to be figuring things out haha

magics02

14 years 3 months ago

Barb

Just go in and edit that part and delete it. Happy Poetry Writing - I love that one.

Barbara Writes

14 years 3 months ago

thanks for the tip. I tried

thanks for the tip. I tried that and just haven't figure out how to delete. I send it to technical for advice on how to remove it.

mand

14 years 3 months ago

Hi Barbara

Truly delightful imagery. So romantic, Couldn't get much better than this.

Thanks for sharing!

Love Mand xxxxxxx

Barbara Writes

14 years 3 months ago

Thanks Mand

Delighted by your comment. thanks for reading.

raj

14 years 3 months ago

Dear Barbara

confluencing with nature while making love is a lovely theme around which your poem evolves giving it a very romantic feel and texture of such beautiful natural elements like water...flowers..moon light...i enjoyed it very much...

perhaps you may want to work more on the concluding line

"While nature of love develops over time"
are you trying to say "we become one with nature"?...

Barbara Writes

14 years 3 months ago

Thanks raj

Glad you liked it. you are exactly right one with nature is what I was going.

raj

14 years 3 months ago

good to know Barbara that i

good to know Barbara that i was on the same page in my reading of your write...

Barbara Writes

14 years 3 months ago

raj

glad we could be on the same page. (:)smile(:)

Hooded Stranger

14 years 3 months ago

Dear Barbara

Dear Barbara,

I love this line:

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

it just runs off the tongue...could you try to rhyme the html code next time!!

Lol!

Barbara Writes

14 years 3 months ago

hi Hood

I will try to do my best the next time Lol
thanks for commenting I really appreciate, glad you like.

Nordic cloud

14 years 3 months ago

This is truly very beautiful,

This is truly very beautiful,
honest and charming, glittering in fact
like the starry night
it awakens our memories
and our hopes.

Love to you dear Barbara from Ann of N.

Barbara Writes

14 years 3 months ago

thanks Ann

I appreciate your comment. thanks for describing how you see it.
"awakens our memories and hopes" We live in a crazy world and remembering the precious moments in our life pattern is a positive thing to embrace just to stay sane lol. "Nature of Love" is true love, present or once had, conbine with nature is a wonderful feeling to remember.

weirdelf

14 years 3 months ago

There is a lot of potential in the form,

with the first line of each stanza,
"let's.... "
but, I know you appreciate me being blunt, what follows in each of the first three stanzas is hoplessly cliched. I know you can come up with something better, integrating the images of nature more seamlessly with your love. Stumble words and phrases for cliche are- love, smiles and daisies, dine ... by candlelight, river flowing with love and roses, embrace under a starlight sky, blanketed with passion and pansies, make love by the waterfall.
See what I mean? Most of it.

Let’s make memories
Memories of you and me etched in our hearts [maybe nurtured instead of etched fits the theme better]
While nature of love develops over time [develops jars a bit, even grows]
maybe something completely different with as similar meaning, just a rough suggestion, something like
We embrace the seasons of our love.

I think this one is worth working on Barbara.

Barbara Writes

14 years 3 months ago

Thanks Jess

Blunt you surely are. Hurt my feelings. lol
I knew they were cliche when I wrote it, wanted to be. lol. I will revised to your suggestions and see what I can come up with.
I already like what "We embrace the seasons of our love" smooth and soft, a little dirrerence in the meaning to me.
but sounds really good

(:Hugs).

weirdelf

14 years 3 months ago

Sorry to hurt your feelings,

and knowing you I should have acknowledged that you would be aware of using cliches, but they can be used more effectively by giving them a slight nod. Maybe not as obviously as putting them in inverted commas, but somehow hinting that you are aware you are using them.

I am trying that method in a poem I am working on and will be posting in the next few days "Besser Blocks"

Barbara Writes

14 years 3 months ago

Thanks I see your point

I will work dressing them up a bit

weirdelf

14 years 3 months ago

hang on, was this poem meant to be ironical?

perhaps cynical?

Barbara Writes

14 years 3 months ago

I get it you don't like it lol

Cliches you don't like lol. I remember from meeting you in the beginning. I think well written cliches have a plcae in poetry.
Since others like it and you seem to be the only one with the ironical and cynical interpretation of it I think I will keep it. I will work on it some more to make it better, less cliche.

cheers
(:hugs)

Barbara Writes

14 years 3 months ago

Still teaching me lol

I had to look up the word cliche after your comment when I first start writing here. Now I had to do the same with ironical and cynical tonight to get what you are truly saying. I got it now. Thanks for sharing. I don't wanna make you feel that way in my poetry or anybody else.

cheers
(:hugs)

Licia Daniels

14 years 3 months ago

Lovely, Barbara

My beau is thousands of miles away from me and you've made me miss him. I love the romance in your piece. Well done.

You might consider substituting "starlight sky" with "starlit sky".

Love
Diana xxx

Barbara Writes

14 years 3 months ago

Thanks Diana

I appreciate your comment .I though of starlit but my spelling would have been off because for some reason light and lite was the only words that I could see at that the time. thanks for sharing.