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This poem is part of the challenge:

12/24 On The Naughty List

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Naughty Boy

The night surrounded
the small houses dark
chimneys and shaded
streets.

The stars
were pushed into
the black glass of
space and the ghoul
hue moon, that sent out
lanterns of splashed
Argentium silver, with
wind moans

Street lamps fought
cutting away the shadows
next door, to where one
dimpled boy and his parents
had settled.

The boy
peppered in freckles
hiking a mischievous
grin, eyes punched in
with malice and traits
of a goblin

Dennis he was named
It should have been Damien.
The boy set his peers
away from his spitting
mother, look what you
did she said she was
outraged red

while stabbing a
finger pointed at
his father
who had just
come down the flight
of stairs, hands sucked
to his head.

You won't hear the
last of this, he said, I cant
hold my news paper
because they are flaming
married together.

It was a stupid thing to do
putting super glue in your
father's shampoo, well?

Dennis wanted to laugh
he felt the chuckles filling
to the surface, ready to
burst, detonate. He bit his lip.
he didn't want to be on
the norty list.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Dennis set his eyes away from his spitting mother look what you did she said while a stabbing a finger pointed at his father who had just come down the flight of stairs hands sucked to his head. You won't hear the last of this, he said, I cant Hold my news paper because they are flaming married together. It was a stupid thing to do Putting super glue in your father's shampoo, well? Dennis wanted to laugh he felt the chuckles filling to the surface, ready to burst, detonate. He bit his lip. he didn't want to be on the norty list.

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Uk, GBR

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Comments

Lavender

Lavender

6 months 2 weeks ago

Naughty Boy

Hello, JF,
Hope this is all poetic license and that there truly isn't "Dennis and Family" out there. Very haunting - I felt like putting my hands over my eyes so I couldn't quite read it all, which is of course, the whole point. Very naughty, indeed!
Thank you!
L
Just a bit of FYI: "Dennis he was named. It should of..." A very common error in grammar. Proper grammar is "should have..." "Of" is a preposition. We make this mistake because of the sound of the contraction "should've" which is actually "should have."