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Jul 04, 2022
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Neopoet Random Challenge #17 (Happy Birthday America)
Yes I love this country
To me it’s not a flag
I stand with hand held over heart
But I’m not really one to brag
I wont say mediocre
I don’t think that’s the truth
Believing we’re the best of all
Is something I lost with my youth
Things always need improvements
And everything decays
We need progressive movements
To keep us current with the days
So let’s stop moving backwards
At best we’re standing still
I’ve got a feeling in my gut
It can get better and it will
I really love this country
Not the symbol, but the land
The purple mountain’s majesty
From sea to sea where wave meets sand
I’m sure we’ll get it sorted
Perhaps not in my time
I teach my children right from wrong
And in this way I’ll change some minds
I’ll say this on your birthday
You’re not beyond repair
We’ll need to open many hearts
And give them time to clear the air
Until then know I love you
Despite apparent flaws
Like points of ones morality
Shouldn’t make another’s laws
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I’m a fixer. We can fix things. It takes teamwork, compassion, empathy, and patience. All are in high demand and short supply it seems.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Candlewitch
3 years ago
dear Tim,
( in answer to your last few words: those of us who have "it" aren't in power to use it)
a terrific poem to celebrate our country's day of independence. my favorite lines are:
I’ll say this on your birthday
You’re not beyond repair
We’ll need to open many hearts
And give them time to clear the air
respect, Cat
Geezer
3 years ago
Hey Tim...
Truer words were never spoken! We can always use improvement. Your rhyme and pattern was pretty tight and the language is great. A fitting piece for our birthday! Good job~ ~Geez.
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