judyanne

Nov 15, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

never broken

Now here’s a first. I don’t feel like writing.
Too sad to care or to express the pain.
With my own inner soul I am fighting
wanting to know where and when is the gain.
I fail right now to see reason, purpose.
I sit as a melancholic black cloud
from deep within weaves, wends to the surface
then envelops me like a dark death shroud.
As memory loosens the old bandaid
never to heal, just covering, protecting,
the gaping wound at the exposure made
whispers, at edge of near-understanding:
a never broken life’s narrow vision
will never know the truth of illusion.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

Comments

Race_9togo

14 years 8 months ago

Judyanne

I like this, depression come through clear and strong, with all its apathy and bleakness.

Two things: first,
"I sit as a melancholic black cloud
from deep within winds, wends to the surface"

To me, this means "I am a melancholic black cloud from inside (blowing) winds."
did you mean something like

"I sit, while clouds melancholic wend their winding way from deep within, up to the surface"?

Also, "a never broken" in the second-to-last line, I wantto read "unbroken" there.

judyanne

14 years 8 months ago

thanks jim

but this is sonnet form - sorry - i forgot to change the 'style' thingy before submitting - i'll rectify that now.....
- so i can't use all the words you suggest
- i will look at it again tho
thanks
love judy
xxxx

judyanne

14 years 8 months ago

also changed 'winds' -

thanks for pointing out how that word might read
i actually liked the winding and wending ,
but not winds and wending (if you know what i mean) (burp)
love
judy
xxxx

Race_9togo

14 years 8 months ago

LOL

Yes, I do know what you mean (hiccup)

scribbler

14 years 8 months ago

never broken

memory loosening an old bandaid. What a great way of describing how memory won't let old wounds heal. I expect I know the source of this write and send my best wishes during this dark time........scribbler

Nordic cloud

14 years 8 months ago

Desperate words

So sad I haven't seen almost anyone on Neopoets,
as to the sonnet I still haven't studied what that entails
so I cannot say anything about that.

I am made sad, for you if this is how you feel dear judyanne.
All my love annanya.

ziggy

14 years 8 months ago

hi

as memory loosens the old bandaid
never to heal, ,,,,,, thats my fav line ere
in this one, " at edge of near understanding "
that line interests me ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

magics02

14 years 8 months ago

I so admire this write

Judy I must be in the same slump as you and you descriptive write here made a tear to my soul. I know how it is and I see also how it feels, sound crazy huh but it is real and your write on spot with this one.

Love and Hugs to you
Magics xoxoox

Geezer

14 years 8 months ago

You made me feel...

the agony, while giving hope that an understanding is just around the corner. My thoughts are with you. ~ Love, Gee

judyanne

14 years 8 months ago

thanks everybody

i really appreciate the thoughts and all
truly, i'm okay....
i wanted to write a sonnet on the subject of depression/pain...
this was written from my memory.... i'm not feeling this way at the moment.....

so you've all given me a wonderful compliment.....

i'm sorry to make this a general thanks.... i've just taken on a management position at work for a while.... it's taking all my time and i'm exhausted when i get home
i'll catch up with everyone this weekend i hope.
love and hugs to you all
judy
xxxx