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weirdelf
weirdelf
Oct 06, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Never fuck with an elf

Never fuck with an elf
for we are subtle and quick to anger.
Wot?!
bloody lie!
We use subtlety if needs be,
as a means to any end.
we'll break dodo eggs to make our omelettes

You wonder why the dinosaurs died?
One farted in my general direction

The plagues of Egypt?
the pharoah dissed my poetry

The fall of the Roman empire?
Nero played badly

but if you really piss me off
I make it slow
lingering and painful
like the death of capitalism.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

M

magics02

13 years 9 months ago

Tats right mate

no messing with an elf as the knomes do not like that:)

Jess your poetry is starting to tell your very own story now. I like that. How do I critique this, well too darn tired to check it out:) Funny stuff

Mona

M

magics02

13 years 9 months ago

No I will go as my eyes

falling down to my knees lol and psst my knome they are quiet tonite on the porch. (solar lights that is)

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 9 months ago

you want my manifesto?

well you ain't getting it, it's a work in continual progress
La La to you too, my dear sparrow, yenti, friend and occasional conscience.

K

Kailashana2

13 years 9 months ago

Ian!!! Seven shades of shit?

Ian!!! Seven shades of shit?

That's a wonderful alliteration if ever I saw/smelled/heard/touched one. You practicing for the weird elf's new challenge? lol.

~A

lou

lou

13 years 9 months ago

Jess

sounds a little bit like one of my angry poems, but it gets all serious right at the end, i'm not dure that the last line fits, no offence meant, i'm you will put me right if i'm wrong.

Lou

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 9 months ago

oh my dear lou,

do you think I expect to dish out the stuff I do and not get some back? Please speak freely at all times.

Yes, it does get serious at the end, bit of a cheap trick really, lead in with some jokes to soften up the reader then hit them with a necessary truth.

I'm not above cheap tricks, never have been.

I guess the real question is, does it work? Not entirely for every reader, as you found it incongruous. Some may have got a wee smile, some might stop, frown slightly and think about it (that's the one I want, but can't control). Some might think it's puerile liberal crap. No accounting.... [grins]

K

Kailashana2

13 years 9 months ago

You're getting to be like

You're getting to be like Moonman, throwing everything into your poem but the kitchen sink.

Me, I'd just like to have fucked an elf just once in my lifetime. Or maybe I did, and my life is the result.

;-)

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 9 months ago

You really think so?

I rather thought that the history of the world from the perspective of elven malice in 17 lines was a modest range. Presumably we have a somewhat different perspective to mortals.

oh, and you have mind and spirit fucked this elf, the physical is just another aspect, ecstatic, true, but so is the rest.

kisskiss

M

magics02

13 years 9 months ago

Oh Anna

Magic cracking up over here. THat line what a hoot and hannie. I got it though.

Your life is not of an elf Anna. More of a Goddess. Maybe a Goddess of the Elven World..smiles to you

sorry elf to barge in on your thing (think I owe you one anyway)

M

magics02

13 years 9 months ago

why all the

f this and f that in here lately? What happened to proper English? Yikes another house is falling:)

flan and flaneury and fluff and fluffer nuffer said here.

I think that crude effing started all this
lmao

tootles for now..

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 9 months ago

Fuck is proper English,

more English than most English, coming from the Anglos-saxon, not French or Latin.

Grow up and drop the coy act, it is unbecoming of a woman of your age.

M

magics02

13 years 9 months ago

Thanks for that

It is okay Efee should I have expected a bed of roses answer? lmao

one
two
three

strikes you're out at the ole' ball game:)
ps crackerjacks:)

M

magics02

13 years 9 months ago

Your insults - my coy-ote

Makes me laugh

I grew up when you taught me how to write and share respect eh?

IF ONLY... you elfkins would'nt mess with me muse

toodles and a hoot in annie's

M

magics02

13 years 9 months ago

In the

Literary world of great poets name one that used that word in their profound writings. My age is young at 9 x 6 almost 3

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 9 months ago

Rhyme!

We're going to give meter a rest for a while and have a look at rhyme.

Coming soon to a screen near you,

William Saint George

William Saint George

13 years 9 months ago

I must say...

I don't know what to say about this. Definitely not what I think of when I hear "elf".
Sorry, I'm a biased Tolkiener. :D
But this is indeed a refreshing read. I still am disappointed though; I wish there was more depth to it.

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 9 months ago

I understand your disappointment

I like my poems to have impact and make a statement about my politics and the world. This one was more of a rant. Like you I think elves Tolkein and it shits me to tears when people refer to 'santas little helpers'.

Maybe I should leave out the last line or expand it more.
I appreciate your critique.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

13 years 3 months ago

NO!

please don't change the last lines of this piece! I think the late seriousness turning makes the piece brilliant.

To swear or not swear in poetry... I think it comes down to the call of the poet and the poem. There are no set rules except in certain styles, right?

always, Cat

loved

loved

13 years 3 months ago

WTF...I have observed,all the fucks,maximum come as comments

.I have observed,
all the fucks,
maximum come as comments
for this most honoured,
gifted poet here
and
all comments more than double up
as he is kind enough
to reply to each one of us,
something
all poets on this site
ought to emulate ..

WTFs am I saying?

"Fuck" is an English word that is considered vulgar. In its most literal meaning, it refers to the act of sexual intercourse. By extension it may be used to negatively characterize anything that can be dismissed, disdained, defiled, or destroyed and may also be used as an intensive.

"Fuck" =====
can often be used as a verb, adverb, adjective, imperative, interjection, and noun. It has various metaphorical meanings. To be "fucked" can mean to be cheated (e.g., "I got fucked by a scam artist"), or to be broken or ruined (e.g., "my computer is fucked") as well as to be sexually penetrated. As a noun, "a fuck" or "a fucker" may describe a contemptible person. "A fuck" may mean an act of copulation. The word can be used as an interjection, and its participle is sometimes used as a strong (not necessarily negative) emphatic. The verb to fuck may be used transitively or intransitively, and it appears in compounds, including fuck off, fuck you, fuck up, and fuck with. In less explicit usages (but still regarded as vulgar), fuck or fuck with can mean to mess around, or to deal with unfairly or harshly. In a phrase such as "don't give a fuck", the word is the equivalent of "damn", in the sense of something having little value. In "what the fuck?!", it serves merely as an intensive. If something is very abnormal or annoying, "this is fucked up!" may be used.