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Mar 25, 2012
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New Morning
Today is the first day,
I will begin here,
Not sparing on supplies,
But today I will embark.
Life begins every day,
Life ends every night,
But as long as someones at my side,
I know it will be okay.
Through it all,
No matter what happened,
They would come back,
Our of love,
Or regret,
That one always came back.
For today is the first day of my life,
I was born when I opened my eyes,
Gazing into yours so sweet,
I know those eyes will always be staring back.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
13 years 6 months ago
Hello Gomez,
Good title as it fits the poem. Your rhythem is good over all. But I find this line to be unclear:
I will begin here,
I'm a sucker for a good love poem, and yours has good sentiment. I like these lines best:
I was born when I opened my eyes,
Gazing into yours so sweet,
I know those eyes will always be staring back.
always, Cat