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Night
Bright band of moonlight sprayed
a silver path from the east,
pushing back the midnight blue.
Trees swayed like drunken men,
while crickets hit out
In a chorus of clicks. A wolf carried
over a mystical ancient
howl. Constellation of dazzling
freckles beated out of the canvas
ceiling, and the soft grass was spilled
in silver, waving to the space moon
loaded with dimples.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Rough
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The imagery in your poem "Night" is vivid and evocative, creating a strong sense of atmosphere. The contrast between the silver moonlight and the midnight blue ocean is striking, and the personification of the trees swaying like drunken men adds a unique touch. The use of sound with the crickets' chorus and the wolf's howl enhances the sensory experience for the reader.
One aspect to consider is the flow and structure of the poem. Some lines are fragmented, which can disrupt the overall rhythm and coherence. Consider revisiting the line breaks and punctuation to ensure a smoother transition between ideas and images. Additionally, pay attention to the consistency of imagery throughout the poem to maintain a cohesive theme.
Overall, your poem captures the essence of a nighttime scene effectively. With some refinement in structure and coherence, it has the potential to create an even more immersive experience for the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 month 2 weeks ago
This...
sounds like a typical night around here.
I'm not too sure about that ummmm... "midnight bluey ocean".
I would say, since you aren't rhyming, pick something else, maybe:
[ foam flecked, jade green ocean or some such].
Try ancient magic howl.
Don't get too fancy when you can give the same idea, with simpler words. If you are writing a saga, an epic novel, then...
A constellation of dazzling freckles [beaten] out of the canvas...
Just a few things to think about. This can be a good, short, polished piece. ~ Geez.
.
Jokerface82
1 month 2 weeks ago
Thank you
Midnight blue ocean I'm talking about the vast expanse of the sky ha
Geezer
1 month 2 weeks ago
Hmmmm...
I guess it was the conjunction of blue[y] and ocean that did it, my mistake. ~ Geez.
.
Jokerface82
1 month 2 weeks ago
It's cool
I have taken the ocean bit away, it's better described with just midnight blue. I will be working more on this piece, as now I have it down to be molded