Rula

Jul 18, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Night Fellows (Summer's Fun) (minute poem)

Laying onto cozy pillows,
(our night fellows),
they'll never fret
with nightmares' threat

or the weight of the heavy heads
when lay on beds
they'll never ache,
or shake or break.

They mum all the nights' secrecy
a policy
we should all learn
and fully earn.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

raj

7 years ago

Rula

If the pillows read your poem they will dance with joy and say O My!
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raj

7 years ago

Few suggestions

(our [fluffy] night fellows),

or the weight of the heavy heads [or weights of heavy heads]
when [they] lay on beds

They mum [keep] all the nights' secrecy
[that's a pillow] policy
we should all learn
and fully earn [for us to return]
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Rula

7 years ago

Appreciate

the read and all the thoughts dear friend.
A minute poem should have 60 syllables Only
Don't know if it still reads eloquent as it is.

P.s mum the secret = keeps the secret
So what do you think?

raj

7 years ago

Oh I didn't know this Tiny form of poetry and restriction of words. It is eloquent indeed as it is...excuse my ignorance
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Rula

7 years ago

If you think so

dear Raj :)
Thank you for the quick response and lovely words.

raj

7 years ago

yes I do :)

yes I do :)
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Rula

7 years ago

BTW

dear Raj this was inspired by your awesome pillow notes #1&2
though themes may differ.

raj

7 years ago

yes different strokes about

yes different strokes about a pillow ...we spend almost 30 % of each day with and then tend to forget
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raj

7 years ago

nagging you more Rula

how about Night Buddies as a title?
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Rula

7 years ago

Dear Raj

Thank you for your thoughts. I might do the change if you convince me that "buddies" is more apposite than "fellow" :)

raj

7 years ago

Rula

i made the suggestion because a fellow could be a one night stand whereas a buddy is someone who is more permanent and more trustworthy...perhaps you could also consider mates as an alternate
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Mikeozams

7 years ago

About pillows

Imagery and personification eulogizing pillows aptly expresses the poet's emotions. Keep it flowing.

Rula

7 years ago

Thank you Mike

for the visit. Highly appreciate it.

scribbler

7 years ago

Why

am I now jealous of pillows? lol. I always admire people who can write short forms this well. My stuff just drones on and on and on and on and on.............stan

raj

7 years ago

Stan

when I read this comment from you in the subtext i read "I am gonna have a go at this"...
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Rula

7 years ago

Thank you Stan

for the penegyric.

raj

7 years ago

Rula would this qualify as a

Rula would this qualify as a tiny poem?

on her pillow lay a hair
wasn't hers
she's blond, not a brunette
she raised hell
almost stabbed hubby dead
who asked her
why are you wearing shades?

thought I would try one :)
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Rula

7 years ago

Hahaha

Crazy women!
This indeed "fit the bill"

Should the last line read
"Why you're wearing shades?"
Or
Why are you wearing shades?

Just asking

raj

7 years ago

Thanks for the suggestion

Thanks for the suggestion Rula...already implemented...was good to hear your Hahaha does it not confirm women generally tend to be suspicious? ..lol..
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