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Sep 17, 2014
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A Night Of Folly
Loud voices filled the air
as exuberant youths spoke.
One drove the car at full speed,
breaking rules of traffic,
showing off his skills,
Seeking the thrill
felt in the movies
was his wish.
A reckless moment
carved by the speed demon,
caused life to screech to a halt
and blood splattered
like a messy art.
Then the silence settled in
where the car has crashed off road
and souls wept over young bodies,
completing a night of folly.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Rula
10 years 10 months ago
Salam Khalid
This is indeed a good capture of what careless drivers might do when they go carelessly into the street.
I think you need to change all to the past ... (brouhht). ([has]crushed)
also show OFF S.1 L.5
I do really like what do these crazy drivers think when they drive so carelessly
Thanks for sharing.
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
Salaam, Rula
Thanks for the visit and the feedback.
Alid
wesley snow
10 years 10 months ago
Verso libre.
It is still hard for me, but some of the assonant rhymes cushions the blot. Still, good poetry.
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
Thank you, sir
for the visit and the feedback.
Alid
alidzain
10 years 10 months ago
Thank you, sir
for the visit and the feedback.
Alid
lovedly
10 years 9 months ago
over here
last month a young gal
suddenly stopped her car
on a highway
and
a speeding motorcyclist
with his daughter ,as pillion rider
rammed into the car
sad both died instantly
and
the poor gal
who made a casual mistake
is facing 14 years
alidzain
10 years 9 months ago
that's sad
one mistake leads to a lifetime of regret.
Alid