scribbler

Dec 25, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

NIGHT SNOW

I sit and watch the snowflakes tumble
as above the storm clouds freeze and crumble;
the first white wonder of the year
whose ending now is almost here.

A few wet flakes fell at last light
by full darkness the ground was white.
I look by flood light out my back door
while snow obscures my sun deck's floor.

The last snow here on Christmas day ?
I'm not old enough to say.
I moved here in nineteen sixty five
both grandparents were still alive.

And I've never seen a pure white ground
when Christmas day was still around
for this is a deep, deep southern clime
where it doesn't snow all of the time.

So I watch the flakes fall in the dark.
By morn' the world will be white and stark
I expect that by my short time's end
I'll not see a Yule snow again.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

mona

14 years 6 months ago

And who knows?

My dear,
I 'm only 30, but used to think while I'm watching something “anything" too beautiful,. whether I'm going to see it again or not.
We just don't know.

Brilliant work my friend

scribbler

14 years 6 months ago

night

We are not guaranteed tomorrow much less next year are we?....................scribbler

scribbler

14 years 6 months ago

snow

I am glad you enjoyed this. I reviewed 1st stanza and deleted 1st "as", but in my opinion the second one was not out of place. As to my short time's end. Average life expectancy for men here is 78 years. I am almost 57 now. 20 years will pass in a flash if I make it to the average........................scribbler

scribbler

14 years 6 months ago

hey Jayne!

I thought of you and my other Aussie friends where it's summer as I wrote this. Here in South Carolina it is often not cold on this day and when that happens it feels strange.when the weather's hot as hell, shed some clothes and you'll be swell;but leave on a little bit, else you'll wind up in the s#it lol. I'll take your advice on "and"...........................stan

scribbler

14 years 6 months ago

night

Around here we usually only get 1 or 2 decent snows per winter and a few flurries, so to get one on Christmas is a rare treat. So keep calm and warm there..........................stan

Kailashana2

14 years 6 months ago

Hi sir scribbler, yes, it

Hi sir scribbler, yes, it does make us appreciate each day, each christmas a bit more, if we know we never know which day will be our last.

There really is incredible beauty in a snowy & silent night.

Nordic cloud

14 years 6 months ago

I loved the sense of wonder

I loved the sense of wonder not expressed outright, but coming in the manner in which you wrote this poem Stan, and was with your thoughts as they unfolded, in a charming way. And they t lies outside where I sit now, look! It has a glow even when the sky is already indigo blue and the lights of the open curtained Norwegian houses shine like the stars we cannot see, so lovely I LOVE Winter whatever anyone says, you can always clothe yourself in warm woollen garments, and be warmed. In the heat you can't take your skin off!!!!!

Love to you and yours from Ann.

I see others tripped up in the same area as I did don't know, but my thought was:-
Do you need HENCE as the Back(door) becomes long for the rhythm I feel.

scribbler

14 years 6 months ago

snow

I have received so much good advice on this one! thank you all....................stan

greeneyes

14 years 6 months ago

wonderful

wow! I loved this poem.I want a white christmas. we always get snow before or after, it seems.

scribbler

14 years 6 months ago

snow

thank you. Until this snow late on Christmas day, it had been nearly 50 years since the last white Christmas here...........scribbler

Hooded Stranger

14 years 6 months ago

Stan

Stan,

as expected, a great rhyming poem. I can almost sing your poems as the meter is tight and allows a simple tempo to beat in my head.

I would lose the 'as' in line two and you need a space here:

by morn' the world will be whiteand stark

great images as expected from you...and I hope you get to see another snowfall at Christmas, you're only 56 years young my friend.

regards,

from snow filled England,

scribbler

14 years 6 months ago

snow

Thank you Dan. It seems nobody likes the word "as" to begin a line. I would use "while" but I use it later. Already dropped one "as" and will have to think about this one. May the new year be kind to you and yours..............stan

Hooded Stranger

14 years 6 months ago

Stan

Stan,

I have no issues using 'as' to begin a line, I was looking at it from a flowing and structural point of view. If you want to keep the 'as' you go right ahead my friend. It is merely as suggestion.

Have a wonderful New Year my friend,

mand

14 years 6 months ago

Hello Stan

What a surprise after forty five years of not having snow that early, it must have looked magical sparkling in the flood light - and on Christmas day too. I love the expression "storm clouds freeze and crumble".

You described night snow very well - I enjoyed the read.

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

scribbler

14 years 6 months ago

greetings Mandy

We've had earlier snows and later snows, just no Christmas snows.I'm glad you liked this..............stan