Night Terror

Don't come any closer
If you know what's good
Don't come any closer
I wish you would

You push me
Break my bones
Don't come any closer
I wish you would

Blood on the floor boards
Blood on my hands
Knife bent
Shattered end

You run your mouth
Even tho you're dead
Your poison words
Get out of my head

Blood on the walls
Blood on my clothes
Body lay dripping
In the hall.....

They're coming to get me
They heard the screams
I'm not sorry
But you still haunt my dreams

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, Jim Morrison, Rudyard Kipling, Hermann Hesse, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Jack London, Stephen King, there are many more....

Comments

c lynn brooks

5 years 9 months ago

should read even though you

should read even though you are dead not as you have written it here
also the sentence run your mouth
perhaps you run your mouth
the entire stanza seems to be misworded I see what you want to say but the wording does not convey it
all in all pretty dark and gruesome

Geezer

5 years 9 months ago

I will save...

the emotion for later. You need to fix the typos. [Shattered] end?
[you're] dead
[they're] coming
Nice! ~ Gee.
.

lonlyhrtsclub13

5 years 9 months ago

Changes made

Thank you for the input

weirdelf

5 years 9 months ago

hmmm, really effective and affective, Carrie

I'm feeling a bit like that right now. At 62 I am still a stupid, hopeless romantic aand have almost fallen in love with an ice freak. She is incredibly charismatic, so drawn to her, but she has episodes of rage, paranoia and delusion. Oh, I know I should stay away but I keep going back anyway. It won't end well.

Love the poem, good edits. Nothing to ad sorry.

lonlyhrtsclub13

5 years 9 months ago