weirdelf

Oct 24, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

Rhyme- use, variations and forms.

(Read More...)

Noisance

That roaring mower's bloody noise
my peace and indolence destroys
so I protest with grace and poise
and hoik a broken brick at it.

a leaf-blower then intrudes most rudely
a job once done with rake as easily
after asking first politely
I kick the fucker's keister

now silence reigns my mood's enabled
I'll write rhymes which will be fabled
if my talent's not mislabeled
and those cunts keep fucking quiet

About This Poem

Last Few Words: never let it be said I set exercises I won't attempt myself. Strong, weak and double rhymes plus some assonance and consonance. But I piked at triples.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Candlewitch

13 years 8 months ago

Oh... Jess!

I love the title! Fantastic wording. I got a chuckle out of this piece... damned near peed myself!
You've described my summer annoyance perfectly! each verse builds up to the finale. Love it!

now silence reigns my mood's enabled
to write rhymes which will be fabled
if my talent's not mislabeled
and those cunts keep fucking quiet

always, Cat

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

thanks cat, I had fun writing it

while actually trying to write a poem for the rhyme workshop while beleaguered by the sounds of these noxious machines.

wesley snow

13 years 8 months ago

A thoroughly tacky poem.

I loved it. wesley

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

what can I say? but

[grins wickedly]

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

ta Rosi, but you give me to much credit,

strong, weak and double, but no triple rhymes here.
What is this strange word 'polite' you use? I'll have to look it up in a dictionary.

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

I am suspicious of the source,

and prefer Wesley's definition below,
but thanks for the curious tale.

Race_9togo

13 years 8 months ago

Maybe you did "pike" at triples,

But you came awfully close!
I like this; the rhyming is good, almost within your own set parameters, except, as you say, for the triples.
I love the subject, and especially the structure, the way you use the last line, taking it out of the rhyme, but using assonance and consonance. it packs a real punch.
Good stuff. This was a good workshop!

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

thanks Jim

it's been great working with you all. What's next?

themoonman

13 years 8 months ago

Hi Jess...

I've been keeping up with most of the workshop
and I must say that you've really done a great job
with this one.

This poem, first stanza, second line isn't grammatically
correct, your peace and indolence destroys, should it not
be "destroyed". I think you gave in to the rhyme, but it is
about the rhyme, and they are good, content good, sometimes
I want to hoik a brick too.

thanks

Richard

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

ta mate

the whole poem is present tense so isn't 'destroys' correct?

themoonman

13 years 8 months ago

Yes ...

it's the way I was reading it, to me it reads like the peace
and indolence is doing the destroying, like it needs an "it"
before destroy, but I do see where it could be read the way
you've obviously meant it, the mower's noise destroying.

sorry mate, my bad.

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

Not your bad, your very good

It's one of those grammatic inversions for rhyme I hate so much, in normal speach it would read-
destroys my peace and indolence

well spotted
mea culpa
mea culpa
mea culpa

Barbara Writes

13 years 8 months ago

Absolutely you poem::))

the rhymes are great since its late i must come back and read again for a better look at all the rhymes I.
Enjoyed the workshop. I feel I must attempt to write here so I'll write a one or posting with the two exercises.

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

yes, it would be good to do that

and thankyou

wesley snow

13 years 8 months ago

I looked up "polite"...

...in my "Dictionary of the Highly Arrogant and Obnoxious" (my favorite) and found only "shmooze". Does that help?
Just kidding.
Ian, your definition is totally cool. I did not know that. wesley

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

my favourite is

"Dictionary For Those Who Have Earned The Right To Be Highly Arrogant and Obnoxious", but the definition was the same.

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

I know what a gazunder is

goes under the bed, hence my comment above.

Mr Sparrow seems have learned some tricks from the elves

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

thanks Ian

no wuzzas, as I said before, we're a pretty relaxed bunch around here, despite those fins circling in towards us. [grins]

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

Solid foundations indeed

Tho' I confess tid make my eyes water somewhat,
well done sir.

Barbara Writes

13 years 8 months ago

I am back after a better read and some new eye drops

working so far
I think this is another of your genius write. I like all the rhymes. they flow perfectly.

My accounting home work has displaced my ability to sort them all out at this moment. Just glad i can see again without the mental confusion, pain, and actually get some work done.

It amazes me how you manage to make sex flow effortless in you last two poems. Glad you not trying to stew counts. :)

Ps love you Shabazs

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

Shabazs?

methinks you are confusing me with the gentleman of joyous rhyme and rollicking write, this is weirdelf and there is no sex, just a genital name used as a profanity.

Barbara Writes

13 years 8 months ago

I know

I am glad to hear though your writing take mr there