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NOT OF THIS WORLD (workshop final exercise)
Warm sun unnoticed
bathes me on this sylvan hill
as my mind wanders
here I am
Standing and ignoring you
it seems.
For I'm in my mind
elsewhere with my muse.
Maybe you see me looking up
watching contrails or geese
with an inaudible sigh.
Give me some tolerance please
Does it seem I only visit here
occasionally at random?
I'm checking on those whom I hold dear
and trying to write a poem or two.
For beyond these trails is my true home
where trees are tall and hills are steep,
the places where the wild things live
not among the human sheep.
So let me walk my wilding way
each day at least a little while
that world of green and mossy gray
which lends to me this quiet smile.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years 10 months ago
I thought...
that Haiku was supposed to be of a nature kind of theme, or are we using the Western, more modern version?
~ Geez.
.
scribbler
3 years 10 months ago
You are correct but there is leeway being given since a lot of
participant's poems have little to do with nature. But I am also gonna give your comment further thought and I might come up with an edit in either the main body of the poem or the Haiku part that will satisfy the traditional definition
scribbler
3 years 10 months ago
see
if the edit is better
Geezer
3 years 10 months ago
Yes...
Better! Kind of a cross of Western and Eastern Haiku. ~ Geez.
.
Jackweb
3 years 10 months ago
This is muse visitation
when we're under the control power of inspiration i think we do not heed to any attention that would truncate the sweet dew of such creativity.
a muse is a personal encounter therefore it is dear to me. i prefer to receive all before diverting my attention elsewhere.
very apt and powerful
scribbler
3 years 10 months ago
Good to see you again
and thank you for your kind words
Jackweb
3 years 10 months ago
My pleasure...
You're welcome
Neopoet family is still a hot bird. More strength to admin
Have a nice day