Not Your Cup Of Tea?

glazy dazed eyes
dark
splintered squints
on shakey stools
dissing fools
of trudging drudgery
even those of flinty passions

we are barroom brothers
grounded in no bothers

chillin' and chattin'
and,
as is our fashion,
never too mindful
of hopes and dreams
(lost or found)
of ours
or others

we,
being bound by no druthers,
find a game, or two,
of pool will do

as for tomorrow
who knows
don't care

I'll add only this
...not all losers suffer sorrows
just as not all who win are happy....

About This Poem

Last Few Words: My life from 18 to 30 years old. I no longer drink (37 years now). My life philosophy has not changed that much.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: upstate New York USA, USA

Comments

judyanne

12 years 11 months ago

lol yes

what's it all about alfie? who cares?

love it ian

well written too.
love the near rhyme with
'glazy dazed eyes'
and the alliteration through with
' dark
splintered squints
on shakey stools
dissing fools
of trudging drudgery'

and
'we are barroom brothers
grounded in no bothers'

and i especially love the rhythm of cheerfulness in
'chillin' and chatin'
and,
as is our fashion,
never too mindful
of hopes and dreams
(lost or found)
of ours
or others'

personally, i'd lose the last three lines - i don't think they are needed - they seem too in the face moralistic, when the write says it all anyway (and much more subtly) - lol just me

i love this
love judy
xx

brittle light

12 years 11 months ago

Hi, Judy

thanks for the positive critique, and pointing out the aspects you enjoyed.
I wish I could be as casual and easy going in my correspondence with others as you always seem to be.

I'm still thinking about your thoughts of the last three lines. I understand your point, but cannot
let go of them yet.
attachment to something for no reason is strange to explain!

thanks again

weirdelf

12 years 11 months ago

This is exemplary freeform poetry.

I hope you join Ron's workshop
Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/mindful-memorable-freeform-challenge

I love it, both readable and meaningful, all anyone can ask of poetry.

chatin [chattin ?]

brittle light

12 years 11 months ago

Hey, Jess

your assessment is gratifying, to say the least.

I am not to keen on joining anything or anyone right now. Just how I be...maybe some time in the near future I will be better prepared to deal with people and the obligations, timetables, deadlines etc....that are implied, if not imposed!

thank you anyway for the invitation.