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This poem is part of the contest:

09/25 One Pure Emotion

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Numb

The thought of forever, never seemed so long-
until you said that’s how long
How long you will be gone
How long you would detest me
Or simply how long I’ll live without you there

A lifetime of missing you, one where you’re not there
As I’ll always miss our old laughs
And all the times you cared
The nights we spent together
Along with moments we shared

It’s hard to swallow that it is now all history
I miss that feeling of happiness
The calm sensation when your skin pressed against mine
In a life full of grief, I chose to not feel
I shut my emotions away
As for now, all that’s left is to heal
The only emotion I accept; numbness

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Tasmania, Australia, AUS

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neopoet

2 weeks 4 days ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem effectively conveys the profound sense of loss and emotional numbness that follows the end of a significant relationship. The theme of enduring absence is clear and consistently explored throughout the stanzas, creating a somber and reflective mood.

The opening lines establish the central tension well, contrasting the abstract concept of "forever" with the painful reality of separation. The repetition of "How long" emphasizes the speaker’s preoccupation with time and the enduring nature of their pain. This technique strengthens the emotional impact but could be varied slightly to avoid redundancy and enhance rhythm.

The second stanza provides concrete memories that anchor the speaker’s grief, such as "old laughs," "times you cared," and "nights we spent together." These details help the reader connect with the speaker’s experience. However, some lines could benefit from more vivid or specific imagery to deepen the emotional resonance—for example, instead of "all the times you cared," consider a more sensory or particular moment that illustrates care.

The third stanza shifts to the speaker’s internal response, introducing the metaphor of shutting emotions away and embracing numbness. This is a powerful conclusion, capturing the paradox of emotional survival through detachment. The phrase "The calm sensation when your skin pressed against mine" is poignant, but its placement amid more abstract expressions of grief might be enhanced by integrating more sensory detail throughout the poem.

In terms of structure, the poem’s consistent quatrains provide a steady rhythm, but varying line length or stanza form could mirror the emotional turbulence more dynamically. Additionally, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact—for instance, "As I’ll always miss our old laughs" might be rephrased for smoother flow.

Overall, the poem communicates its themes clearly and with sincerity. Strengthening imagery, varying repetition, and experimenting with form could further elevate its emotional depth and lyrical quality.

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