Triskelion

Oct 08, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Oafish Ode for Obi

Ode to a Roll of Toilet Paper

Oh toilet paper roll so round
so smoothly spinning, softly sound
upon this wire hook, unwound
I'd wager thou could ne'er be found
So many years I have not heard
it seems uncanny...nay... absurd
an airing so like whispered words
I will remember thou, assured
I moon this moment thou art spent
to wipe my arse of excrement
Such wonderment thou represent
I do believe thou heaven sent
So white, so quilted, soft, thou art
I would that you would not depart
But flush, I must, this soiled end
Good bye forever, silent friend

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I guess I don't need to outline where I was when I drafted this one "in my head" lol.. I prefer I had been inspired to write something romantic, but sometimes, you need to amuse the muse, so to speak...Usually, the cardboard support is deformed so badly, the whole marina would know what number you just did. Anyway...any suggestions with vocabulary would be appreciated. Thanks for reading!...edit...one sent is now spent over a typo.

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Lake Simcoe Canada

Favorite Poets: Poe, Frost, E.B. Browning, Theodor Seuss Geisel,

Comments

Candlewitch

9 months 2 weeks ago

Dear Thomas,

I think it is perfect as is! It rolls surely off the tongue. Sorry, no suggestions!

* happily, Cat

Triskelion

9 months 2 weeks ago

Hi Cat!

Thanks for reading and your comment. My apologies for the vulgar theme. I'm sure it challenges some measures of decency, but c'est la vie...it's free!

Thomas

Candlewitch

9 months 2 weeks ago

LOL!

mostly, it is amusing!

:) Cat

Alex Tanner

9 months 1 week ago

Haha

Loved it. Had a good chuckle over this and thought of the days gone by when the toilet paper was either the local paper torn up or "Bronco", so shiny and slippery I'll leave the effect to the imagination. Excellent. Alex

Triskelion

9 months 1 week ago

Hi Alex

Thanks for reading and finding this amusing. I wonder would someone be so creative to write an ode to the materials you describe...could be a belly buster, I think. Especially a Forbes magazine... You spur the imagination.

Thomas

Obadiah Grey

9 months 1 week ago

I remember the toilet paper

I remember the toilet paper "Izal" from school times,
What the hell were they thinking?
all it did was mobilise your crap!

Triskelion

9 months 1 week ago

Wow

I just did some research on that brand...the worst I remember was the folded sheets usually found in the public washrooms/ camping facilities. As kids, we used to roll grass in it and smoke it. They looked like large rolling papers.
Doesn't "izal" in some language mean "humility"?

Rula

9 months 1 week ago

Lol

Toilet rolls must be really proud to have such an honest ode.
I'm positive that Obi will like it.
Fun to read indeed!
Thank you for the smile sir Thomas.

Triskelion

9 months 1 week ago

Hi Rula!

...rolled toilet paper is such serious business, I thought a lighter view was in order. Just recently in the US there was a short strike concerning the dock workers and caused a panic buy of the stuff...yes...very serious business...
Thanks for reading and enjoying!

Thomas

Obadiah Grey

9 months 1 week ago

Ahhh, Thomas.

Ahhh, Thomas.
Thou plumb the depth so well my friend
easing your musings around yon bend.

Now take this salve, this balm, this unction,
apply 'round valve n up yer junction.
refrigerate, and best kept cool,
to thicken up loose water stool,
please don't fret and do not fear
'tis but your muses diarrhea.

Obi.

Triskelion

9 months 1 week ago

Haha!

...how better to satirize the serious business of TP than with archaic language et al. Hallowe'en is nearly on us and it brings to mind the quasi vandalous tradition of playing a "TP trick" on neighbours like yourself for not giving out goodies when the local brats come round.

Cheers Obi!