IKnowNoBox

May 14, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This Oblivion

Circling vultures
a metallic taste
an intense chill
rapid recollections
as you fade away
into oblivion
all that remains
are the memories
you impressed upon others

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: East Coast, USA

Favorite Poets: Weird Elf, Shel Silverstein, The Poet Anonymous

Comments

emeka ozurumba

11 years 2 months ago

very good imagery , and

very good imagery , and meaning profound, i like the poem for its rigid thesis

weirdelf

11 years 2 months ago

The reason I got clean

was that I was so sick of apologising to others.

I wonder if it was the same for you and that could be part of the poem?

IKnowNoBox

11 years 1 month ago

Indeed cleaning out the irrational

getting the mind uncluttered, and tuned out from the jive ass system that numbs the mind, and dulls the senses. Artificial pseudo intellectual pamphlets mass produced for a shallow society that has forsook culture for pop media, and glamorous isms.

Ian.T

11 years 2 months ago

Know No

Loved this piece but the oblivion how long will it last, or have you reached out for it a few times and bounced off of its walls where reality prevails.
There is only now, I think this is the main thing I have been taught, there is no after or oblivion just a change of state where you exist in the now, there you must stay so enjoy,
Yours Ian.T

IKnowNoBox

11 years 1 month ago

Thanks for the comments.

It is related to the final moments. I am personally content with Vita est iam Ian. While there is nothing after this I like this quote from Neil deGrasse Tyson "We are part of this universe; we are in this universe, but perhaps more important than both of those facts, is that the universe is in us."

Though we still become a memory to those we impacted.. wither positively, or negatively.

In ink,
David

Ian.T

11 years 1 month ago

David

From the words of Yenti,
I am in the now,
there is no other place I can be.
Therefore I only change my state.

I cannot find the translation of :- Vita est iam could you please give, Yours Ian.T

IKnowNoBox

11 years 1 month ago

A good translator is Google Translator

This is Latin it directly translates to Vita=Life est=is iam=now. Like Baba Ramdas said "Be here now." Though I usually don't quote "gurus" or the like. I dug that book, and Way of the Peaceful Warrior. Yet one needs to reserve contemplation for ones routine tomorrow needs.

We are the sum of our action, or inaction to randomly occurring events, and encounters.

As far as tarot cards go. They were nothing but a game, until the "occultist" hyped them as a tool of divination. Many of what became "psychic" was nothing but repackaged parlor games that former at home entertainment troupes reinvented when radio became popular. Plus they were able to charge higher fees.

Ian.T

11 years 1 month ago

Know No

I shall ask the children of your questions next time they think talk to me or they just send the answers as I read the questions, I should send you a tape of their talks..
Yours with thanks Ian.T