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Apr 27, 2025
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Oblivion
Into oblivion
she assumed he would
slip one day, but her
dream never came true.
He was ever in
her dreams and
ever in her heart.
Days came and years went.
Still, the spectre of him
flooded her mind.
Days came and
decades went, leaving
her mired in her loss
and puzzled at
the absent love
in a limited life.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Consider clarifying the relationship between the characters to deepen the emotional resonance of the poem. The phrase "spectre of him flooded her mind" is evocative but somewhat abstract; specifying or hinting at particular memories or experiences could strengthen the reader's connection to the speaker's emotional state. Additionally, the repetition of "Days came and years went" and "Days came and decades went" effectively emphasizes the passage of time, but varying the phrasing slightly might enhance the poem's rhythm and prevent redundancy. The final lines—"the absent love in her limited life"—are intriguing, yet somewhat vague. Clarifying what is meant by "absent love" or providing more concrete imagery might allow readers to better grasp the emotional stakes involved. Overall, consider grounding the poem in more specific imagery or context to heighten its emotional impact and clarify its thematic intentions.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
2 months ago
Hello P.F
Love this. I thought the language usage and the theme.
Simple and to the point. The last stanza tightened things up really well!
Title well chosen as well.
Thank you for sharing.
Punkyfrewster
2 months ago
Rula,
I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment on my work. I am so glad you loved it!
Ruby Lord
2 months ago
Hi Punkyfrewster,
Hi Punkyfrewster,
I liked the themes you are exploring, and I can sense the feeling behind it. I think the poem would be stronger if it showed more specific images or moments, as it feels a little too generalised at the moment. Inviting the reader to see or understand more about who the woman is could bring more reality and depth to the characters inside the poem. Hope this helps? Ruby xx
Punkyfrewster
2 months ago
Ruby Lord
Thank you for reading my poetry and for giving me much to consider.