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Oct 15, 2019
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Obsession
He fell in love with her
Lost himself in her world
He couldn't withstand her resplendent look
Her eyes shone like a shooting star
Glowing in a glamorous manner
With her rounded face carved like
the sculptures of beautiful angels
He could burn the world for her
Calm the raging storm if he had the power
Climb the highest mountain to profess his love
Fight the deadliest creatures to protect her
But he forgot she was the daughter of chaos
Love means nothing
Pain was her only language
Lost in this labyrinth of love
The way is bleak and torrid
Hope exists only in enigmatic form
If only he could rewind time
Life could be kind to him
Love could happen to exist
Between him and his love
©zanieike
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rottiestyl
5 years 11 months ago
zanieike..
This was like reading and once again being in a shoulda, woulda, coulda poster. I think we all have met this person at some point. My only thought here is that I felt the poem was not finished with the last line. I like jolting last thoughts, words, line, etc. but that's me.
Maybe if it incorporated the title like:
Love could happen to exist
Between him and obsession.
Just a thought. great read otherwise for me.
c lynn brooks
5 years 11 months ago
when
using a metaphor you do not always have to say like you may use as
example as a moth to a flame etc
nice bit of writing I enjoyed reading this work