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Feb 16, 2025
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Oh Earth Mother
Earth Mother see me sit and cry,
As tears of blood fall from the sky.
With aching arms I reach out in vain,
To quell rumbles, of self inflicted pain.
As floodgates open before my eyes,
The veil's removed, there's no disguise.
Immorality won, in how far we fell,
When fires are raging like eternal hell.
Into the pit, sinking ever deeper,
By satan's will, he's the keeper.
A grip as firm as the strongest device,
Blinkered to what we sacrificed.
As ticking hands approach midnight,
We turned our heads and saw a light.
A glimmer of hope, a way to save,
For non conformists, and the brave.
How come you ask? in your despair,
Is there one who really cares?
For me a burdensome unworthy cause,
Who can save, from never-ending wars?
And as I fight this vile path of greed.
Towards the light I face to plead.
Seeking an answer to dispel that hate,
I look forward to my eternal fate.
Where tears and pain will all be gone,
And evil's defeated, so kindness won.
Oh how I cannot wait 'til then,
To see the glory of Earth shine again,
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Oh Earth Mother," presents a vivid narrative of despair, hope, and redemption. It uses a variety of poetic devices, including imagery, metaphor, and rhyme, to convey its themes.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent meter to improve its rhythmic flow. The lines vary in length and syllable count, which can disrupt the reader's rhythm and make the poem harder to read aloud.
The poem also uses a lot of abstract language, especially in its descriptions of despair and hope. While this can be effective for conveying complex emotions, it can also make the poem feel vague or confusing. Consider using more concrete imagery to ground these abstract concepts in sensory detail.
The poem's use of rhyme is generally effective, but there are a few places where the rhymes feel forced or awkward. For example, the rhyme of "device" and "sacrificed" in the third stanza feels a bit strained. Consider revising these lines to create a more natural rhyme.
Finally, the poem's themes of despair and hope are clear, but its message is somewhat ambiguous. The poem seems to suggest that hope can be found even in the midst of despair, but it's not entirely clear how this is achieved or what it means for the speaker. Consider clarifying this aspect of the poem to make its message more impactful.
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