old feather

white dove feather
fell to sand

small wind gathered surf,
spraying faces
assembled there

clock ticked twice
died --
no more time

white dove feather
fell to sand
sun illumined
it fell

surf touched it
sand caressed it
ocean swallowed it

dove flew on --
old feather
anyway.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Favorite Poets: Wallace Stevens, D. H. Lawrence, Charles Bukowski, Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Percy Bysshe Shelley, T. S. Eliot, E. E. Cummings, Emily Dickinson, William Butler Yeats, Pablo Neruda, Joni Mitchell, William Shakespeare, Basho, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Kelly Marie Hayner, Susan Wydville. D. Phillip Caron, Elizabeth Bishop.

Comments

judyanne

14 years 8 months ago

made me laugh

so beautiful, i'm floating along with the gentleness and beauty
so be pulled up short by the last lines
love it victor

you have used the word 'gathered' twice in the second stanza
- i don't know if you meant to but to my read it doesn't need to be there for any emphasis
maybe you want to change one of them?

cheers
judy
xxxx

Victorclaude

14 years 8 months ago

Judy,

Right you are, and I changed it. I had really never noticed that before. Sometimes, I love editors. This is one of those.

Thank you, so much~!~

Ciao,

Victor

themoonman

14 years 8 months ago

Victor...

No connectors ... and it worked well !

the one thing I noticed when reading aloud,
and it may just be my old country self, but...
"it fell", perhaps "then fell"
either way it does deliver, just seems to fall
off my tongue easier with the "then"

great ending, didn't see that coming at all
and I love that !!

Richard