Neopoet

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4
49reasons
Apr 19, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

once, we were lovers

when time
was limitless
and boundaries
held no place

beyond imagination
we languished
in the unknown

til refuge was sought
in now familiar things
a fleeting look
a gesture
our unspoken words

but all too soon
minutes fell between
the silence of us

to compete
against the hours
until ties
were severed

distance
became
our adversary

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Melbourne, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, Charles Bukowski, Anne Waldman

More from this author

Comments

Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 3 months ago

Juls

I enjoyed this, even though it seemed a little cliche.
As you know there is nothing that has not been written about. the art of poetry to me is to take what has been written and put a new twist or outlook on it.
Still, I enjoyed it very much, because you constructed it very well.
one thing I think you don't need the "and" in the last stanza:

"distance became
our adversary
once more"

that just me.

4

49reasons

14 years 3 months ago

Eddie

the 'and' has now gone.
A very rough draft so I know this one will have many edits
thanks again for reading and your suggestion

CCfire

CCfire

14 years 3 months ago

Hey you

I would have ended it with 'adversary' I don't think it needs the rest. I also don't think you need the line 'wanting forever' it's too cliche for me. Apart from that I like it, is this the one you said you hadn't posted yet when I spoke to you yesterday?

Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 3 months ago

Juls

Funny it shows up when you go to write a comment.
Where's Juls?
ureika, it's back Hahaha!

4

49reasons

14 years 3 months ago

the neopoet fairy definitely

the neopoet fairy definitely ate it Eddie. I had to reload a picture. Thinking about it, maybe the fairy decided they didn't want to see my face lol

CCfire

CCfire

14 years 3 months ago

That was weird for all my

That was weird for all my comments with you there was none and now it's back..tricky little Neopoet fairy :P

4

49reasons

14 years 3 months ago

lmao

I had to re-load a picture :P

4

49reasons

14 years 3 months ago

Ken

I'm pretty sure you have graduated with honors! :)