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Mar 31, 2020
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one-shot
I'm cleaning up the scenes of what seemed like high hopes. see, a little girl had many dreams of doing big things but she couldn't cope. she got bullied for being a ghost. she got many apologies not to her face but her casket. everyone seemed shocked but they were really not cause of the fact that they caused it. although not everyone knew her true feelings, they didn't ask it. so, she masked it.
yes, she died
and yes she committed suicide and those that weren't surprised knew what they had done and the dirty truth of what they had put her though wasn't yet to be fun. until she decided to end her life with a gun. One-shot is all it takes. nothing like this can be undone.
no, they didn't care.
no, she wasn't scared because at this point nothing mattered anymore. her whole life had been ...
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
c lynn brooks
5 years 6 months ago
Perhaps
If you were to use a poetic format example beign stanzas it would more readily be read try it and see what happens
It does make it easier to read for one