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Lavender
Lavender
Aug 20, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

One Small Word

It takes so little
to feel unloved.
One small word.
A disapproving glare.
The subtle shake of the head.

It all saturates, then floods
the fragile frame
where we store our souls.

The breaking of our bones,
so to speak,
when, after our souls drown
we are left with only
masses of damaged muscle,
twitching involuntarily,

as if prostrate
on a cold marble floor.

***

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Billy Collins, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.

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Comments

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 10 months ago

Yeah...

Sometimes, the inner-person has been beaten so badly by life that it cringes at every harsh word or gesture. Too bad, that a lot of people don't bother to look beneath the outside presented to the world, to see the beauty within. A great feel for the emotionally battered. I would replace [muscle] with ego. ~ Geez.
.

Eumolpus

Eumolpus

4 years 10 months ago

Good poem

Great public stance about the poorly loved. Focused. Good images and sound. A professional poem
I would eliminate the ellipses...
And perhaps consider the syntax of the third stanza, a bit awkward concerning subject/ verb.
Very powerful close!
Mark

Lavender

Lavender

4 years 10 months ago

Thank you, Eumolpus

I will remove the ellipses. I will also try to untangle that third stanza.
Thank you, again!
L

Lavender

Lavender

4 years 10 months ago

Hi, Geezer

It seems there is a lot of division lately, and harsh words just fly out so easily. Anyhoo, this is what laid itself out on my page. Thank you so much for reading!
L

Lavender

Lavender

4 years 10 months ago

Hi, Teddy

You are correct - words have the power to do a lot of harm.
Thank you for reading!
L

C

c lynn brooks

4 years 10 months ago

lavender

the absent words also do harm one said and it can never be taken back or forgotten
good bit of writing here

Lavender

Lavender

4 years 10 months ago

Hi, Chrys

I agree with you, lack of the proper words can also cause suffering. And harsh words, once spoken, cannot be easily forgotten.
Thank you for your comment!
L

lovedly

lovedly

4 years 9 months ago

take care of what you say

prostate
or
prostrate

after Covid we can put the whole world
in a frozen state
in a refrigerate
lol
Lav

Lavender

Lavender

4 years 9 months ago

Hello, Mark!

Have you heard of "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz? One of the agreements he suggests is to be impeccable with our words - toward others as well as ourselves. Good stuff. I agree with you - what we say is important!
Thank you so much for reading!
L