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Nov 27, 2011
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ONE STEP MORE : updated
PUSHING ONE STEP MORE
Now I must rest my weary head
For if I push myself much more
come morning they will find me dead
my brain fevers , i grow cold
I need to lay my body down
or I will soon be 6 feet
in the ground.
my bones ache , my muscles lock.
my brain fevers . I grow cold.
the sickness strikes deep
into my soul.
and so to rest my weary head
lay myself across the bed
close my eyes and look to sleep
for if I push one step more
by morning they’ll carry me
two feet first
out the door.
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
scribbler
13 years 7 months ago
Hi Joe
A few ideas for you:
l-1 Now I must rest my weary head
l-2 for if I push myself much more
l-3 come morning they will find me dead
l-7 trade comma for and
l-8 my brain fevers and I grow cold
just a few alternative in describing the weariness of extended pain..........stan
Geremia
13 years 7 months ago
TERRIFIC. WILL DO. THANKS/
TERRIFIC. WILL DO. THANKS/